50 First Dates Page #4

- Hey, Dad!

Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.

But your stitches are bleeding.

It must've been my huge back-swing.

You think you can stitch me up

after I get back from surfing?

- Yeah, looking forward to it.

- I wouldn't surf with a wound like that.

You might attract a shark.

What's wrong with that?

Sharks are naturally peaceful.

Is that right?

How'd you get that nasty cut, anyway?

A shark bit me.

Nice.

Go smoke another one, bro.

That shark theory's

starting to catch on.

Now, will everybody keep it down...

...while I whack the crap

out of this thing?

Sit! Stay! Sh*t! No!

Where the hell is it?

Looking for something?

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

The same thing you are.

Looking for my ball.

This is weird. I've been thinking

about you all morning, all day.

Can't wait to have breakfast

with you again.

I know. And I just wanna eat you up.

- Really?

- Yeah. Tomorrow and the next day...

...and the next day and the next day.

- All right. Okay.

Oh, my.

Oh, Lucy, that feels so good.

No, my nipples are too sensitive.

Stop that.

- What happened?

- Your ball hooked into that cart...

...bounced back and hit you in

the head. It was freaking hilarious.

- What?

- Who's Lucy?

And what's up with your nipples?

I can't be falling for a local.

I ain't ever going back to that diner.

- This where you got hit?

- Yes!

You're so lucky you're a professional

cliff diver in Hawaii.

- Yeah, well, it's a living.

- I'm a tax attorney.

- We never get to have any fun.

- Is that right?

I'd like to do something

extra fun tonight.

Taking it deep, aren't you?

How about another

fishbowl for the lady?

- Why don't I just tap a keg for her?

- Okay.

I think I'm getting kind of drunk.

- Are you getting drunk?

- Getting there.

So, what are you thinking?

What am I thinking?

Actually, I'm not drunk at all,

Noreen, and neither are you...

...because there's no alcohol

in these drinks.

Sadly, I've used this technique

many times.

It helps lovely tourists,

such as yourself...

...loosen up without impairing

your ability to stay awake...

...and have guilt-free,

vigorous sex with me.

- Wow.

- I'm sorry.

I'm not a cliff diver, either.

I'm afraid of heights.

Well, since it's my last night in town...

...can I pretend you didn't just say that

and still have sex with you anyway?

I can't do it. I'm sorry.

Well, can you at least point me in

the direction of someone who can?

That guy over there

could help you out.

- Isn't that a woman?

- Jeez, I'm not really sure.

But you're too drunk to notice,

remember? Take care.

- Hey, you. Aloha.

- Aloha.

Not aloha, "hello," aloha, "goodbye."

We're closed today. Go away.

- What are you talking about?

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