50 First Dates

So tell me. How was Hawaii?

- It was unbelievable.

- Oh, yeah?

- Well, what happened?

- I met this guy.

It was the best week of my life.

It was just a little

vacation romance.

But he was so sweet.

He took me to all these

cool local places.

We went scuba diving...

- Snorkelling.

- Mountain climbing.

We went cliff diving.

Well, we got a little drunk.

- He gave me...

- A back rub.

We slow danced...

- in the rain.

But it wasn't just about the sex.

He pounded me like a mallard duck.

It ended kind of weird, though.

When I asked for his number,

he said he's...

- Married.

- Gay.

- Entering the priesthood.

- He doesn't believe in phones.

He just kind of ran away.

You know, it was just

a little fling, but...

I won't forget my week...

- with Henry Roth.

- Henry Roth.

- Harry.

Harry Paratesticles.

- Henry Roth.

- Henry Roth.

- Henry Roth.

- Henry Roth.

Henry Roth, why didn't you tell me

you were a secret agent?

I prefer intelligence operative,

and I couldn't tell you until I knew you.

Well, can I call you when I land?

You can call me, but I'll be in Peru.

I said that a little loud.

Come on, that's a 187, code blue.

We got the wolf sleeping at night.

He's slipping his arm in the drawer

and out comes the cookie jar. All clear.

Got it?

Well, maybe when you

get back from Peru.

- I don't think that's an option, Lisa.

- Linda.

I know. I changed your name

for your protection.

We have to go our separate ways now.

Well, goodbye.

Got it! Moving out!

- What the hell is your problem?

- Just keep going, I'll give you $20.

- You got it. How's your balls?

- Killing me. Hit it.

Easy, Honah Lee.

Hey, I'm a person, not a seal.

Well, I am a vet, not a doctor. So just

hold still, or I won't give you a treat.

I know, it's okay.

You see that, kids?

You see what happens

when you play with sharks?

Now, why you gotta spread those lies?

Sharks are like dogs.

They only bite when you

touch their private parts.

That's a good title

for my documentary.

Sharks:
They Only Bite When

You Touch Their Private Parts.

Or you could call it,

Sharks:
They Tried to Eat My Kidney

All right, enough already.

You too, Willie.

All of you.

He just cast a spell on us.

All right. Put this on four times

a day for two weeks.

- You can handle that.

- What's wrong with that turtle?

Lung problems because

he smoked too much turtle weed...

...which is bad for you. Right, Ula?

What? I don't smoke weed.

Hey, Honah Lee? How's that hot

wahine nympho from Ohio?

Great. I dropped her off

at the airport this morning.

Come on, I need some details.

You get some booby, some assy,

a pull on your poi-poi? Come on.

Daddy, what's a nympho?

Oh. The nympho

is the state bird of Ohio.

You're the state idiot of Hawaii.

Here you go. Bite the fish,

chew the fish, love the fish. Enjoy.

- You crack me up, kamaaina

- Oh, yeah?

- One of these days...

- Yeah?

...you'll show one of those

tourists such a good time...

...she'll wanna stay on the island.

Why do you say

mean things like that...

...and why is your foot

on my pillow?

I don't want your ass on it, either.

Get up! Get up!

It could happen.

Then you won't be able to go

on your boat trip to Alaska.

You'll be stuck here, waking up next to

the same old, ugly broad, just like Ula.

- Just kidding, guys.

- About the old part or the ugly part?

Henry, come quickly!

It's Jocko!

Jocko! What's going on

with you, buddy?

Don't be scared.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Just stay calm. All right.

Willie, I don't need you to see this.

Get out of here, now!

Okay, check the temperature

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