40 Days and 40 Nights Page #5

I was thinking about a cute little pussycat.

-Do you like pussycats, Matt?

-Yeah.

If you're not busy later,

you can come over and help pick one out.

I can't. I mean, we can't.

Pussycats are mean to butterflies.

They dislike them very much

and hit them with theirpaws.

-And it hurts the little butterfly.

-Right.

Yeah.

Okay. If you change your mind....

Did she just Xerox her ass?

MIKEY:
What?

DUNCAN:
Get off me.

CANDY:
You can give me a call, okay?

This is a photocopy of Candy's ass?

Yup.

You're gonna call her, right?

Obviously, you're gonna call her.

No, l'm not gonna call her.

It's like as soon as you don't want it,

they can smell it.

They'll photocopy their ass.

She photocopied her own ass.

You're doing a lot of laundry.

Didn't you just do it?

Just keeping it clean.

Who is she?

I'm not gonna sit in my room

and build models for the next 40 days.

-Oh, you like her!

-It's not that.

Oh, no. Have a nice time.

(Dance music plays on recorder)

Busted.

Yeah.

I thought l should tell you

l can speak just fine.

They were all out of flowers.

Yeah, that is cute.

I'm Matt. Officially.

Officially Matt, officially Erica.

Officially.

-You normally do laundry on Friday nights?

-Yeah, it's my new thing.

MATT:
New thing?

Well, there was a party.

Don't you ever feel like you keep meeting

the same people over and over?

Like people that went to this kind of college and--

-And now work that kind ofjob, right?

-Yeah.

I want to have a party with a list at the door

of all my friends, and friends of friends.

If you're on that list,

or you know somebody on that list...

...then you cannot come in.

How do you know l'm not on that list?

Nobody on that list would've talked to me

like you did last week.

Or not talked to me.

Fair enough. Fair enough.

So what do you do for laundry money?

I'm a cybernanny.

What's that?

I spend all day looking for pornography

on the web.

Say you have a ten-year-old

with an iMac and browser...

...and she searches "girlfriends"

and then gets "lesbian mud-wrestling."

-Probably not the best thing.

-But you can't avoid it.

Today l ran a search for "sandbox"

and got "Eat my box"...

..."Sandy's hot box"...

...and my favorite, "Vagina Beach."

Myjob is to find a site and block it out.

-You have to look at these sex sites all day long?

-Yeah, all day.

Drive you crazy after a while?

Some days l think if l have to look

at another blow job, l'll scream.

God, yes. Same thing happens to me.

You're going on a date with her?

Won't it get in the way of your thing?

-No, not at all.

-So you're not into her?

-Oh, l'm totally into her.

-How do you not want to f*** her?

Listen, you haven't heard a word l said.

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