40 Days and 40 Nights

RYAN:
Hello. Hello.

RYAN:
Wait, hey.

NICOLE:
What?

You're such a rogue. Give me that.

RYAN:
Hey. Hey.

NICOLE:
Hey?

Baby.

Turn it off.

Turn it off. Turn it offl

Do you think this is a joke?

When l come home tonight, we have to talk.

This is not working.

You want to push it even further?

Whatever. This is ridiculous.

It happened again. Last night.

MATT:
(Voiceover) lt's hard to explain.

Itstarts outlike an earthquake.

Then l look over at the girl next to me,

and whoevershe is...

...she's not Nicole.

And all l feel is emptiness.

And that's when it happens.

This great, big black hole...

...opens up over my head.

-Again with the black hole?

-Yeah.

(Sound of ceiling cracking)

-It's nothing but vast emptiness.

-And then what?

I panic.

(Dramatic instrumental music)

You have to help me.

You have to light a candle for me or something.

I'm not lighting a candle

so you can feel better about sex.

That's not what this is about.

It's been six months since Nicole dumped you?

You're feeling sorry for yourself,

screwing every woman in sight.

You want me to say it's okay,

that God forgives you.

At some point it's not okay.

He doesn't forgive you.

-That's advice?

-If you don't like it, see a real priest.

How will you be a real priest

if you can't follow the rules?

Besides, you're the only priest l know

who happens to be my brother.

-You're only a year away from being a real priest.

-Two years.

You need to deal with your emotions

and stop screwing around.

What l don't need is a lecture

from you, dick.

JOHN:
You're the dick!

No, that sounds great.

That sounds incredible.

We might have to bump

a few things from ourschedule...

...but we can make it happen for tonight.

Matt and l will definitely be there tonight.

We're putting our bells on right now.

Okay. All right, bye-bye.

MATT:
l can't go.

RYAN:
What are you talking about?

MATT:
l just don't feel like it right now.

RYAN:
You don't....

I know you're trying to work out

your Nicole issues with the black hole.

-But trust me, trust me--

-I don't have any Nicole issues.

"Hi, l'm one of many pictures of Nicole...

"...thatinfests Ryan and Matt's apartment

aftersix months."

She's hot. I don't mind looking at her.

-I'm saying you have issues.

-These aren't issues.

You still think about her when you jerk off?

Anyway, l've got something

that'll make it all better.

Those two girls we met in Tahoe.

In town for one night, and one night only.

Don't say no yet. No, don't say no.

"l want to come! l want to come!

"They're hot! l want pussy." Oh, yeah!

(Upbeat rock music)

-Hi.

-How are you doing?

-Good. You?

-Excellent.

Good.

Waiter.

This isn't Absolut Vodka.

I ordered Absolut.

Yes, it is.

SUSIE:
Are you calling me a liar?

WAITER:
l'll bring you another one.

Sorry. I hope l didn't come off as mean.

You know what you want.

That's a good thing, right?

Yeah, l do.

I know exactly what l want.

(Sound of ceiling cracking)

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-What's wrong?

-Nothing. I'll be right back, okay?

-Okay.

Get it together.

-Throw me a Magnum for my magnum, big boy.

-Yeah.

Thank you.

Hey, have you ever noticed

a crack on my ceiling?

Dude, you're action-packed with issues.

-I can't do this anymore.

-For Christ's sake.

What? Does Johnny not want

to come out and play?

No! Johnny's fine, okay? lt's....

-I'm all f*cked up.

-All right.

Here's what you're gonna do.

Strap a helmet on Big John,

and put him in the game.

He'll play his little heart out

and put up big numbers for you.

You're gonna forget about

the cracks in the ceiling, forget about Nicole.

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