40 Days and 40 Nights Page #3

-It's not that simple, Matt. Trust me.

-It is that....

You're right.

You're totally right.

Sex alone is not enough.

It has to be sex and all things sex-like.

-You'll never be able to do that.

-Here's the plan.

One, no sex.

Two, no sexual intimacy of any kind.

No nibbling, no biting...

...no scratching, no sucking, no fondling.

None of that.

And three...

-...no masturbation.

-You won't last a week.

Oh, you're wrong, Brother.

I'm gonna go the distance.

(lnspirational Gospel music)

-Your brother looks happy.

-He's just taken a vow of celibacy.

Oh, dear.

(Upbeat rock music)

Dude.

What the f*** is that?

This is a 1966 Karmann Ghia Coupe.

When l am finished with that...

...l'm going to do

the Caterham Super Seven Cycle Fender Special.

We're going out tonight. There's this club.

Remember that Australian chick, Jennifer Moss?

RYAN:
She's got friends visiting from Sydney.

MATT:
l can't. I have laundry.

-Do you know why they call it "down under"?

-I still can't.

Do you realize how much time we waste

thinking about girls?

You want some alone time in the apartment

with the jerking off.

That's cool. I can do that.

I'll tell them you said hi.

Do you have change for $2?

Excuse me. I forgot something to read.

Do you mind if l borrow this?

Thanks.

A lovers' rendezvous.

You underline words that you don't know

and then look them up later.

Right?

And you underlined "tryst,"

which is a meeting of lovers.

I do that, too.

ERICA:
Matt?

It was on the cover of the magazine.

Can l borrow a sheet of fabric softener?

Thanks.

It's been really fun almost chatting with you.

Same time next week?

Okay. 'Bye.

You are way ahead of schedule.

If l were you,

l'd give me something else to do, quick.

Think you can handle

the Willow and Smart account?

-Window treatments aren't the sexiest--

-It doesn't bother me at all.

JERRY:
You'd be designing the entire web page.

Okay.

MATT:
Hey, Ryan. What's happening?

Do you know how long l spent

looking for my Temple of Poon tape?

One. That's a long time to be looking for porn.

What the f*** is going on here?

One, you can't do it.

You can't.

This isn't a personal attack towards you.

No man can do it. It goes against nature.

The male was biologically designed

to spread his seed.

You're gonna piss off the seeds!

lt goes against science!

You want to be the guy

who goes against science?

And two?

Two, are you out of your f***ing mind?

You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich.

You think you can go 40 days?

This isn't normal!

She got engaged, Ryan.

Nicole got engaged.

I knew that. I didn't tell you.

I thought you'd be pissed.

Sorry. I should've told you.

-I heard it from the Bagel Guy!

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