Cooties Page #2

Synopsis: COOTIES is a horror comedy with unexpected laughs and unapologetic thrills. When a cafeteria food virus turns elementary school children into killer zombies, a group of misfit teachers must band together to escape the playground carnage. The film stars Elijah Wood (The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings), Rainn Wilson ("The Office"), and Alison Pill ("The Newsroom") as teachers who fight to survive the mayhem while hilariously bickering in an uncomfortable love triangle on the worst Monday of their lives.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Horror
Production: Lionsgate Premiere
  1 win & 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
49
Rotten Tomatoes:
43%
R
Year:
2014
88 min
Website
1,473 Views


No.

Well, I mean, yes.

I, uh, I ended up subbing

a little in new York.

But really I'm a writer.

That's great.

Oh, well...

God, it's a scorcher

Out there, huh?

Unseasonably warm.

Yeah.

Uh, wade, have you met Clint?

I have not.

Pleased to meet you

with meat to please you.

Actually, we kinda met earlier.

You parked me in.

What are you talking about?

Nothing.

It's just that, um,

you parked so close that

I-I couldn't get out of my...

My truck's got

A dual reeow weeow.

I'm sorry?

Dual reeow weeow.

Dual weeow...

Dual weeow...

Dual reeow weeow.

It's...

Dual weeow...

Dual real wheel.

Dual real...

Reow reow.

Got a dual reeow weeow.

Dual weeow...

Dual weeow...

I don't understand.

It's got two extra wheels

on the back part of it.

Ah.

Dual rear...

So, Clint,

Heard tell you were a writer.

Hmm?

Oh, nothing that you've read,

yet.

I'm actually working

on my first novel.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, actually why I'm home.

You know, just to hunker down

and bang out that story.

But, uh, I need a few shekels.

Shekels.

Hebrew for...

Doug.

Currency.

Okay.

Wow, good for you.

That's so exciting!

Oh, thanks.

What's it about?

Oh, uh, well,

it's... It's a horror novel.

Um, it... It's about a guy

who buys a boat,

But the boat turns out

to be possessed.

Like Christine.

I'm sorry?

Christine, Stephen king.

Guy buys a car

and it's possessed.

Oh.

Um...

but... But this is about a boat.

So it's like speed 2.

Starring?

Sandra bullock, yes, of course,

and?

Keanu reeves?

Jason Patric!

Right.

I am the biggest

Jason Patric fan.

Jason Patric.

Oh, lost boys!

They're not lost.

Kiefer.

They're vampires.

Yeah, they got lost...

All right, let's roll!

Your classroom is actually

right next to mine.

I can walk you if you want.

Oh, um, yeah.

That'd be great.

You are so f***in' ugly.

If my butthole had a butthole,

that's what you'd look like.

Yeah, you look like

my butthole's ass.

You look like you got

chicken pox,

If chicken pox was made

out of hemorrhoids

Yeah, if chicken pox

was made out of my ass.

And here we are, fourth grade.

That's me.

And you're right up there.

Good luck.

Holler if you need anything.

The athletic office

is right down there.

Yeah, what's with that guy?

He seems like a bit of a dick.

He's my boyfriend.

Sorry I'm late, guys.

I was helping a friend out.

Eric, what is that?

You put that right down now.

Hey, did somebody order a sub?

Ooh, tough crowd.

My uncle's cancer

Took his stomach.

But his divorce...

took his mind.

Anyhoo, that was my weekend.

Let's begin, class.

Maybe we were created

by an all-Knowing god

Who sent down his only son

to die for us.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote

Leigh Whannell

Leigh Whannell (born 17 January 1977) is an Australian screenwriter, producer, director, and actor. He is best known for writing films directed by his friend James Wan, including Saw (2004), Dead Silence (2007), Insidious (2011), and Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013). Whannell has directed two films, Insidious: Chapter 3, released in 2015, and Upgrade, released in 2018. Whannell and Wan are the creators of the Saw franchise. Whannell wrote the first installment, co-wrote the second and third installments, was producer or executive producer for all the films, and appeared as the "Adam Stanheight" character in four of the installments. He was also the writer of the Saw video game (2009), and co-writer of the 2014 film Cooties. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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