Bad Words Page #2

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Guy, I get at least

one answer per tournament.

I have three very paltry answers.

(SIGHS)

It's time for my fourth. Shh!

(SCOFFS)

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

While I'm gone, I want you

to ask yourself this.

Will, when all of this is over,

a five-answer article

be equal compensation

for eight weeks

of covered hotel

room accommodations,

qualifying tournament entry

fees, rental car damage,

not to mention

emotional expense?

Are you not gonna get up?

Why? Go. You've got room.

Jesus Christ. If you

gave me the window,

I wouldn't have to move.

Yeah.

Don't drag that thing across me.

It's full.

You just told me it's full.

I don't want it on me.

(SIGHS)

Hi. I'm

Chaitanya Chopra.

Was that English?

My name is Chaitanya.

Oh.

Congratulations.

What's yours?

No.

What's your name?

Spin it around.

I'm going to the Golden Quill.

Good for you.

My parents are

up in first class.

Great.

My dad says that economy

class builds character.

Amazing.

I was in last year's tournament.

I overheard you say

you're going, too.

You're the grown-up

who's competing, huh?

I heard about you.

What was your winning word?

I don't know.

What was the word you spelled

to win your regional?

To get here?

I don't f***ing remember.

Do you see my eyes closed?

Mine was "intelligentsia?

Awesome."

Come on, try.

How could you forget?

It's such a special word.

It was "autofellatio."

Okay?

I've never heard of that word.

Yeah.

What's its origin?

Loneliness.

No, that can't be right. It is.

I know "auto" is of Greek

origin, meaning "self," right'?

Fellatio.

Fellatio, fellatio.

Is that derived from the Latin

fellare, meaning "to suck"?

Little man,

the woman I'm sitting next to

knows her way around

that subject real well,

so why don't you ask her when she

gets back from droppin' her deuce?

Meanwhile, if you don't point

that curry hole that way

and sit your f***in'

ass down in that seat,

I'm gonna tell the captain

that your bag's ticking.

Then you'll have a situation.

Good night.

(CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Have a seat.

I'm Bernice Deagan, director of

the Golden Quill

National Spelling Bee.

Struthious.

What did she say?

S-T-R-U-T-H-I-O-U-S.

Struthious.

That was my winning word. Oh.

1973, national champion.

Just thought you should know

that in case you didn't already.

No, I didn't.

Did you know that?

No, I didn't.

Guy, I don't like you.

Look...

Quiet.

You know, when I

was a little girl,

I was always

picked last in P.E.

I hated sports. That's

what probably thankfully

thrusted me into

the welcoming bosom

of the spelling bee,

of which lam the director.

Have been for over 20 years now.

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