Zootopia Page #5

CGI J.K. LIONS

Another one! For the fifteenth time, a predator has flipped out and gone feral! Why is this happening? And how have we been able to find out about each incident and kidnap the subject before they were able to hurt anybody or be seen or leave any evidence whatsoever? None of it makes any sense!

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Holy crap! This is a conspiracy that goes all the way to the mayor, who happens to be a huge intimidating lion! It’s going to be a real challenge for me, a bunny rabbit nobody takes seriously, to bring down

INT. PRESS CONFERENCE

The MAYOR has been ARRESTED and BUNNIFER is a HERO.

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Oh. Well that was really, really easy.

CGI IDRIS ELBUFFALO

Go on, Bunnifer, talk to the press. Since this is a potential PR disaster involving corrupt politicians, controversial police officers and some kind of unexplained plague, normally we’d coach you on what you should and shouldn’t say, but pfffft, that sounds like hard work, just wing it.

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

All right, I think I can do this.

(to press)

Well clearly predators are all just vicious, mindless monsters at heart, and now their thin veneer of civilization is finally falling away to reveal the slavering beasts within, and we can’t trust a damn one of these ticking time bombs of violence. Nailed it!

CGI JASON BATEFOX

WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT?!

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Aw, I wasnt’ talking about you! You’re one of the good ones! ...Okay, you know what, now I hear it.

JASON STORMS OFF and ZOOTOPIA promptly descends into ANTI-PREDATOR BIGOTRY.

CGI SNOW LEOPARD NEWS ANCHOR

This just in, predators continue to go unpredictably bonkers, with numerous incidents of huge strong animals with claws and sharp teeth suddenly trying to murder unsuspecting pedestrians. But nobody's died yet and let's just all pretend that's plausible, okay?

CGI MOOSE NEWS ANCHOR, OR SOME OTHER LOCALIZED ANIMAL STEREOTYPE DEPENDING WHERE YOU LIVE

This has resulted in similarly non-violent prejudice against predators. So now I guess we’re making some comment about how bigotry is a two-way street and even the racial majority can be the victim of racist attitudes?

CGI SNOW LEOPARD ANCHOR

Maybe? But “violence in the blood” is traditionally a racist attitude that has been held against black people in real life, so maybe predators are just another minority. So this movie has been a parallel for, I don’t know, black-vs-hispanic racism the whole time?

CGI MOOSE NEWS ANCHOR

Come to think of it, who ISN’T a minority around here? Prey are discriminated against for being small and vulnerable, predators are discriminated against for being former carnivores. And animals like foxes and sloths face more specific prejudice because of specific stereotypes and limitations of their species. Is it even possible to avoid ticking some box or other in this crazy pan-racist town?

CGI SNOW LEOPARD ANCHOR

I suppose if you’re a big, powerful herbivore whose race doesn’t have any kind of a questionable reputation. Which would make the only character in this movie who doesn’t suffer from any kind of race prejudice... the one played by Idris Elba?

CGI MOOSE NEWS ANCHOR

This is giving me a headache.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

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