Zoolander Page #3

The calender was great...

because it gave people a chance

to see a side of my versatility...

The original Greek word for model

means "misshapen ball of clay..."

and I try to think about that every

time I get in front of a camera...

Three-time Male Model ofthe Year...

And the award goes to...

Hansel.

Thank you, Lenny.

Wow!

You know, a lot of people said

winning this award...

four years in a row

couldn't happen.

Well, I guess I showed...

I think we've found

our solution, Ballstein.

No, not Derek.

He's perfect, and you know it.

Now make it happen.

I stings me like a fissure

in my ass, but you're right.

He's ready.

Who am I?

I don't know.

I guess I have

a lot of things to ponder.

Hey, the results are in, amigo!

What's left to ponder?

Nice comeback!

I can't stand Hansel!

I know, right? Riding in

on that scooter like he's so cool.

- And the way Hansel combs his hair.

- Or, like, doesn't.

It's like, "ex-squeeze" me, but

have you ever heard of styling gel?

I'm sure Hansel's heard

of styling gel. He's a male model.

Earth to Brint.

I was making a joke.

Earth to Meekus.

Duh, okay? I knew that.

Earth to Brint.

I'm not so sure you did...

'cause you were all,

"I'm sure he's heard of styling gel"...

like you didn't know it was a joke.

I knew it was a joke, Meekus.

I just didn't get it right away.

- Earth to Brint...

- Would you guys stop it already!

Did you ever think that maybe

there's more to life...

than being really, really,

ridiculously good-looking?

Maybe we should be doing something

more meaningful with our lives.

Like helping people.

Uh, Derek, what people?

I don't know.

People who need help.

Models help people. They make them

feel good about themselves.

They also show them

how to dress cool...

and wear their hair

in interesting ways.

I guess so.

You know what could really help you

sort through these important issues?

What?

Orange mocha frappuccino!

Yeah!

Come on, man! Come on!

"Derek Zoolander: a model, idiot"

- Brint!

- Huh?

Rufus, Brint and Meekus

were like brothers to me.

And when I say brother, I don't

mean like an actual brother...

but I mean it like the way

black people use it...

which is more meaningful, I think.

If there's anything that this

horrible tragedy can teach us...

it's that a male model's life

is a precious, precious commodity.

Just because we have chiseled abs...

and stunning features...

it doesn't mean that we can't die

in a freak gasoline fight accident.

So today, ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to take this opportunity...

to announce my retire...

Hansel.

He's so hot right now.

I would like to take this oppor...

People!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes