Zombieland Page #4

really let themselves go.

And they're so fat.

I think we should probably

just keep going.

All I could think of was,

what are the odds?

Another marriageable woman

to bring home to the folks.

Come quick.

Someone's ear is in danger

of having hair brushed over it.

Hey.

I'll catch up.

Rule number 22:

When in doubt, know your way out.

They're sisters.

The little one's been bitten.

Act normal. Try not to freak her out.

Yeah.

Columbus, Wichita, Little Rock.

So you did all this for a Twinkie?

No, no, no, he did. I'm just kind of

like a Sancho Panza character.

Look, I don't think she has long.

Yeah, I know. I know, and she knows.

We're just looking for a way out.

No, no, no, no. She's just a little girl.

Don't talk about me like I'm not here.

Right, sorry.

Look, I know that you're really sick.

But your sister wants me to...

It's not her decision, okay? It's mine.

I made her promise.

We already said goodbye,

but we didn't have a gun.

- We don't know that there's no cure.

- You're just gutless!

Give him the gun.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'll do it.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

You need some help?

Now that you mention it...

...we'll take your weapons,

car keys, your ammunition.

- And if you've got it, sugarless gum.

- What the f***?

Wait, why are you guys doing this?

Better you make the mistake

of trusting us...

...than us make the mistake

of trusting you.

The first hot girl in 1000 miles shows

up, makes me feel like an idiot...

...steals my double-barrel and then

says I'm the one that can't be trusted.

Nice going, genius.

You're the one that gave her the gun.

Those guys were dumb.

Avoid the vanity mirror.

Relax, okay?

I just passed for a zombie.

- What I'd give for a shower...

- Do not say S-H-O-W-E-R, okay?

Let's just get where we're going.

- So do you think it's true?

- Is what true?

You know, about Pacific Playland?

Totally zombie-free.

Only place west of Waco.

Trust me.

He's on one of these serious

Tour de France bikes...

You know, with, like,

the toeholds, right?

- and he's pedaling, and the zombie's

head is, like, caught in the gear.

You know, with the hair in the chain

just, like, going around.

Very cool.

But zombie kill of the week?

No, sir.

I saw this construction worker.

I sh*t you not...

...he is on a steamroller, and a zombie

goes down in front of him.

You ever roll a tube of toothpaste up

from the bottom?

- I always roll it up from the bottom.

- Well, the zombie's head is the cap.

Are you one of these guys that tries

to one-up everybody else's story?

No. I knew a guy way worse

at that than me.

All right, let's just try to find a car.

Which reminds me...

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