You, Me and Him Page #5

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Queen.

Must be serious.

That's her serious face, too.

Or she's having a stroke.

- Shut up!

- Okay, why am I here?

[WOMEN CHATTING]

- Hey, John.

- Oh, hey!

- I'm so glad you're talking to me again.

- [SEDUCTIVELY] Who's the daddy?

- You what?

- [SEDUCTIVELY] Who's the daddy?

Huh?

Who. Is. The. Daddy?

I am the daddy.

- Yes, you are.

- Excuse me?

She's pregnant.

You are going to be a daddy.

And we're gonna need shitloads

of money.

[CHUCKLES]

- Well, I did it.

- Yes, you did.

Mm-hmm.

- Why can we never do that?

- [DOORBELL RINGS]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

- I thought you meant sexually.

- No, she didn't. That was our joke.

You did not mean sexually?

I had sex with that.

And now there's a baby gonna

be coming out of that.

Yes, thank you for the biology lecture.

Come in before you throw up on that.

Look, mate... I don't expect

anything.

- [OLIVIA CLEARS HER THROAT]

- Maybe money.

- You work in banking, right?

- No, not anymore.

No. I own and run a site called

Mannism.

It's um...

It's a... It's a... A place where

alpha males can connect and...

share the message of the

ancient Greek word, " Arete".

- "Be the best you can be."

- So, money's out then.

[SNIFFS] Well...

you keep doing that.

Because, I'm perfectly cool

raising this baby with Olivia.

- I'm also having a baby.

- Bollocks.

Actually, it's certain.

No, not that. Congrats or whatever.

Bollocks to me not playing a part.

I am the father!

That little one needs a dad.

Please. Please let me be the dad.

Plus, I live right next door.

I have a complex vocabulary.

You can't drive. I can drive you!

If you want.

[OLIVIA WHISPERING] Get him out

of this house, now!

- I've heard enough. He knows now.

- Yes.

Off you go, John.

- I cannot believe that is the man who...

- Turned your girlfriend straight?

- Oh, my God!

- That's what she said.

Sorry, that was right there.

I am so incredibly sorry for the

pain that I have caused you.

If I could go back in time and change

what happened, I would. But...

I'm a great guy.

Let me take you out to lunch, clear

the air, get to know me better.

Yeah? I want to be a part of

this.

This is...

kind of all I've got.

- Aside from Mannism?

- Hail to the Alpha.

- [SIGHS]

- Give me a chance?

Go on. Give me a chance.

[OLIVIA] Aw.

Is it supposed to look like

an underwater alien?

Yes. It is quite revolting,

isn't it?

So, Alex, that membrane which

is protecting the fetus

is known as the amniotic sac.

- That's mingin'. Stop it.

- Yes. Please stop.

- So, you're pregnant too?

- I am.

- And you're both together?

- We are.

- Yes.

- And both pregnant with...

some other people's children?

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