You, Me and Him


[OLIVIA] You know that moment

when you finally understand life?

You just get it?

Well, this was my moment.

I got it. Everything and everyone in

my life fit into a neat, little box.

Here are the individualist

hipster clones...

and the better-than-you bankers.


I knew exactly what was what, who was

who and most importantly who I am.

Aw, the yummy mummies.


[OLIVIA] Look, we all do it.

We give ourselves labels

to feel we belong.

Silly, really. Because waking up

to yourself is about letting go

of who you imagine yourself to


Of course, I had yet to learn


Yep. No. I'm up.

I'm gonna take on the world.







Look smart, everyone! She's

almost here.

- Could I get that deposition, Charles?

- Yes, yes.

Could I get a smile too

for Sophie's last day?

Terrifying as usual. Thank you.


[ALL] Surprise!

You do not do that to someone!


I'll be sad to leave the firm.

Glad to see the back of you lot,

of course.


- Yay!

Yes, Olivia, thank you for the surprise.

I can tell you were the one behind it.



[SOPHIE] And now for another


I'm gonna be a mum.

That's right. I'm having a baby.


- Thank you.




Shoo! Go on. Shoo! Go on! F*** off!

Go get the mouse that's...

- not this one.


That was rather embarrassing,

wasn't it?

- Excruciating stuff.

- Yes.

Thank you. Much better


- It is possible, you know.

- Yeah! Sure, yes. I mean...

that was always the plan. Um...

but then you wake up after yet

another pointless relationship

and you realize...

the only thing you ever truly

wanted, you left up to fate.

And now it's too late.

- No chance with the current?

- She's barely 12.

Unfortunately, I am

completely obsessed with her.

- Finally happy.

- You don't look very happy.


who's the man then?

No man.

A woman needs a man like a fish

needs a bicycle and all that.

- Yes, but who's like a man?

- We are, quite literally, two women.

Yes, but top or bottom sort of thing.

I mean, how does it fit together?

Charles, please. Stop doing


- What do you call this piece?

- Dot.

- Do you know what it represents?

- What?

- F*** all!

- Don't say that.

I literally spent all day,

creating a full stop.

But this what being a

struggling artist is all about.

Yeah, but when do you

stop saying "struggling"

- and just realize that you are not one.

- Never.

If I'm all right with it,

you can be too, you know.

Alex, that's not who you are.

[SIGHS] How was your day?

Lovely, thank you.

Um... I did get us a new pet.

Her name's Maureen.

There are ways to address

procrastination, as we discussed.

Are there?

Are there?




- I know...

- You do?

I need to get up and face the


Actually, um...

I was going to ask you to marry


- Have you got a ring?

- Yes! No, I don't. It...

- More of an "in theory" situation.

- You just proposed to me in theory?

I mean, do you think we should?

Because, then we'll be as close as...

you know, family and we could...

All those lovely tax benefits.

- You've not proposed before, have you?

- Is it too soon?

It is too soon. Yep. It


Ignore me. I've had a lot of


And now you're literally taking

your proposal back?

Got me divorce papers through,

this morning.

- John!

- Most people just say good morning, John!

As long as she gives me my

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Arlen Konopaki

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "You, Me and Him" STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 2 Dec. 2022. <,_me_and_him_23882>.

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