With Honors Page #3

...please sit down.

If you plead not guilty, take a step forward.

Name?

Simon B. Wilder, Judge.

As a taxpayer, I'd like to request

a trial by jury.

And when was the last time

you paid taxes?

Three times this last week.

- You paid taxes three times?

- Yes, sir.

There's a federal, state

and county tax on wine.

Mr. Wilder...

...the court concedes

you have paid various taxes...

...nevertheless a jury trial is not called for.

Charges of public drunkenness,

trespassing and vagrancy stand.

- How do you plead?

- Not guilty.

You were found living in a furnace room

under Harvard's Widener Library.

With all due respect, sir,

Harvard University is a land-grant school.

Constitutionally,

I was living on public grounds.

I'll drop the trespassing charge...

...but you tested as being drunk

at the time of your arrest.

At the time of my arrest,

I was neither driving an automobile...

...or operating heavy farm equipment.

I was sitting alone, reading.

I'm well past drinking age.

If I take a little drink to kill the winter chill,

it's certainly not a crime.

If it were, every fan at a Harvard-Yale

football game would be behind bars. Come on!

Be careful, Mr. Wilder.

You're coming dangerously close

to contempt of court.

I'll drop the charges of public intoxication.

Thank you. You're a gentleman

and a scholar.

I knew once we got to know each other,

we'd hit it off.

When I heard that phony accent,

I thought he'd be an a**hole.

It goes to show--

That's it Mr. Wilder!

I'm holding you in contempt.

Fifty dollars or 50 days!

You'll hear from Alan Dershowitz.

See how you do with him!

Your Honor...

...may I pay the fine?

Are you related to Mr. Wilder?

I'm a Harvard student.

I'm writing my senior thesis and

...I need Mr. Wilder's help.

Bailiff, this young man will pay the fine...

...provided he gets Mr. Wilder

out of my sight!

Next case, please.

Don't ask him for a glazed doughnut.

Excuse me, Miss.

Can I borrow your quarter?

I'd like to get the morning paper.

Thank you, sweetheart.

You know what the greatest nation

in the world is? Dont you?

I hope it's the U.S.A.

Wrong!

It's do-nation.

There you go.

That's for being so generous.

Would you like a couple more for your friends?

No, one's fine. Thanks.

Thank you. Bye, sweetheart.

Mr. Wilder, I have a business proposition.

Buy the Boston Herald over here.

Only 25 cents.

Get your paper over here!

Only 25 cents!

Read all about it!

Clarence Thomas wins appointment!

Moves in on top of hill.

- I'll take one.

- There you go, Miss.

- Let me check that out.

- Twenty-five cents.

- Solid.

- It's on Page 5.

I bailed you out.

I think that entitles me to a conversation.

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