Wilson Page #3

Everybody's in a hurry.

Hey, could you

hand me that chicken?

Oh, sure. Here.

Hold this.

Okay.

(SQUEAKING)

Okay.

Twelve dollars?

Oh, my God.

Are you f***ing serious?

That's twelve dollars?

Oh, I know.

It is a total racket.

They know that pet

owners are all damaged

and neurotic and we will...

happily throw our money

at the most nonsensical

crap just to...

buy a little affection.

Yeah. Yeah, no sh*t.

No sh*t.

(CLATTERS)

(SOFTLY) Oh, sh*t.

(ENGINE STARTING)

What the f***?

I am so, so, so sorry.

My, uh...

I'm just not used to this car.

It's actually okay.

It's fine.

Well, it looks like

you have maybe a crack

or a crease or a dent.

That was already there.

Why don't we exchange

information?

Just in case...

You know.

It looked like

he did it on purpose.

It's fine, okay?

It's fine. Thank you.

But excuse me!

Before you go, um...

(CHUCKLES) ls there any

chance that we could, uh...

maybe go out sometime?

I felt like we had a spark

or something back there.

Why does every f***ing psycho

always pick on me, man?

What the f***

did I ever do wrong?

Get away from my car.

(ENGINE STARTS)

I'm not a psycho, lady.

What the heck

crawled up her ass?

Yeah, no kidding.

I'd be pretty stoked

if some random guy

tapped my car just to

get into my pants.

MAN:
My, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my

My angel lover

My, my, my, my, my, my, my

My angel lover

Oh, Christ, I haven't

done this in a long time.

Me, neither. I don't get

asked out on too many dates.

Oh, men can be cruel.

Looks aren't all that

important to me.

Whoa. That's good.

Wow, this place has got

1,748 reviews on Yelp.

And what the hell

does that even mean?

(WILSON LAUGHS)

Yelp.

Aren't you a little old

to be doing all that

computer stuff?

(LAUGHS)

I'm totally addicted.

You know, it just feels

so undignified to me.

I mean, in the end

you're just sitting

all alone staring at a screen.

It's just so sad.

I would be a lot

lonelier without it,

that's for sure.

Have you ever

been married? Kids?

No.

I lived with this guy

for six years once,

but then one day

he just says, "Guess what!"

"I'm a big homo...

"and I find all women

totally disgusting."

Jeez. You know, my wife

left me 17 years ago.

Walked out, got an abortion.

Moved to L.A. No explanation.

Nothing.

My one chance at a family, poof.

Yeah, everything was fine

all that time

until he just up and says...

"I'm into dudes," you know?

I'm done with her.

I just need to move on,

find somebody new.

Not you necessarily, but...

Did you ever do

a People-finder search,

or even just Google?

Well, my friend

tried it once, but nothing.

Forget it, I'm done.

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