Whatever It Takes

- Hey, Maggie. | Hey, Ryan.

What did you do last night?

The usual.

Had the driver take me shopping, | hit a couple of clubs.

Then I wound up at some after-hours | talking fashion with the Beastie Boys.

You?

I picked up Ashley Grant in the Ferrari, | had dinner at one of my restaurants...

...reluctantly appeared at | a VIP awards show party.

- You know, the same old thing. | - Right.

Watched TV and made a mix tape.

Played the accordion.

Thanks, Dad.

Ryan, I'm only saying this | because we're friends.

You need to get over | this Ashley Grant thing.

Because?

Because you've been into her forever | and it's not healthy!

You're obsessed.

So?

So every guy in school likes her.

You'd get crushed.

Here comes the steamroller now.

Hi, Ashley.

- Hi! | - Yo, baby.

Hey, Ashley.

Are you okay?

- Hey, Floyd. | - You know? I'm going to miss this place.

I'm going to miss this place. | The games, the parties...

- ... all these lovely women digging me. | - More like, all but one of them.

Maggie Carter...

...breaks my heart. | But I've still got four weeks.

How many times you gonna ask her out?

And be completely shut down?

But this time I got a plan.

Sorry about...

Your mouth!

That's the first complaint | I've had about it so far.

Sorry about your mouth?

What the hell is wrong with me?

You suck with women! | Especially fine ones like Ashley Grant.

Way to go, champ.

Thanks.

Relax, Ryan, it could be worse.

Really?

Speaking of, your mom's on stage | in her nurse's outfit.

Hi!

Hi, Mrs. Woodman.

Attention, everyoneI | Could you please take your seats?

Everybody find your seats. Quickly, please.

We have a very exciting lecture today | and you won't want to miss it.

Excuse me.

Got to pay the toll.

You want me to kick you in the face?

Well, that depends. Would you be naked?

School's almost out and | you're still saying no to me.

Say it isn't so!

The master has lost his touch.

Hello everyoneI | I'm Katie Woodman, school nurse.

Since summer's approaching, | I thought I'd talk to you about safe sex.

As you know, | the safest route is abstinence.

But if you're going to be sexually active, | there's a few things you need to know.

Speaking of Woodman.

Hot from her personal collection?

Shut up.

To those of you who may not know, | this is the penis.

- This is the male sexual organ. | - Come to my house after school.

You want to?

I'm having some friends over. It'll be fun.

Now the penis | also carries urinary responsibility.

I can't. I got plans.

...that means that this goes hand in hand | with the latex condom.

For it to be effective it needs to be | pulled down all the way.

God, that was like a bad dream.

Every man needs a dream...

...and mine is to become | the next Virgil Doolittle.

- You know what he got expelled for? | - He stole Gilmore's neck.

That's right! Cooper Gilmore has no neck | because of Virgil Doolittle.

- He got arrested. | - And charged with "mayhem. "

Mayhem! How cool is that?

- The man is a legend! | - The man went to prison, Floyd.

Allegedly! And besides, who cares?

It has been twenty-one years | and Doolittle lives on!

You know a recent survey showed that | most women do prefer a man of danger.

- What's up, Cosmo? | - How's it going?

What's up?

You think accordion players have groupies?

I mean, really good ones?

Why do you ask?

You know, it's three weeks to prom.

That's right!

I don't know, I think it might be nice to go.

I figured, who better to go with | than my life-long neighbour...

...best buddy and partner in crime?

No prospects?

Have you seen me with any lately?

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