What Planet Are You From? Page #4

I'm sorry. I'm Susan.

Hi, Susan.

Anyway, I'm an alcoholic.

I've been sober

a couple of months now.

Thanks. That's okay.

My father was an abusive alcoholic.

And I guess maybe I'm lucky

that he left when I was 7.

But my stepfather was an alcoholic.

And so was my second stepfather.

Anyway, I have a history

of picking the wrong men.

Big surprise, right?

The thing is, I never knew I had

a drinking problem...

...because ever since high school,

I've only dated musicians.

They always said I was a lot of fun.

- I like what I hear.

- But all that's changed.

I bottomed out.

I was having fun in...

...I don't even remember what city.

When I woke up,

I didn't know where I was...

...how I got there,

or who the guy was that I was with.

And I thought I should know

at least one of those things.

So I came here.

I stopped putting myself in situations

where I couldn't respect myself...

...so others didn't respect me.

She wants respect. Cuts me out.

Anyway, I took my first step today.

I bought a new car...

...and it'll be great to get up in the

morning and remember where I parked it.

Thanks.

Would anyone else like to share?

It's dead tonight.

Not a weeper in the joint.

Weeper?

Usually one or two gals

get all weepy after the meeting.

Then you clean up. You go over,

offer them a tissue. Bang, you're in.

Yank a nose hair right before you go.

They see the tears, think you're

a kindred spirit. You are in huge.

Look. Wish me luck.

What happened?

I did so much blow once,

I didn't sleep for three weeks.

I lost 15 pounds. The good thing?

I've been able to keep it off.

Remember me from the aeroplane?

Oh, yeah, of course.

You hit me really hard.

What are you doing here?

I have a slight problem.

You know how it is with airlines.

You're at 30,000 feet

with all those tiny bottles.

- It's really not my fault.

- Sure.

Damn it!

You hit my car. My new car.

- I don't believe it.

- What happened?

Don't get excited. First,

this isn't new. This is a '98.

- I know a guy with one.

- It's new to me!

Oh, God.

Look at it.

I guess we both have to drive

more carefully.

I was parked, a**hole.

I don't see a lot of damage,

so I'm gonna run.

Right, I got the cracked taillight,

dented fender package.

I want to see your driver's license,

registration and insurance.

- Can't we settle this without insurance?

- No.

If you try to worm your way

out of this...

...I will cut your heart out

with my hood ornament.

Have we dated?

I'm not very good in bed.

No, no. You're great.

No. My boyfriend once said it was

like trying to start a dead car.

You've got to uncross your legs.

I told you I'm not very good in bed.

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