What About Dick? Page #4

Hitherto, these little

private toys have been

made only in merchant ivory but now,

look, you, rubber, much more flexible,

much more easily sat upon.

- Good God!

- You are very nave, Sergeant, there is a

shining future for the

personal stimulator.

You see, I believe that

one day every woman will

have one of these things,

they'll have models

of all shapes and sizes,

they will make different

things and they will shake

and they will vibrate

and they will buzz.

They will be called

The American Happy Boy,

the Old Colonial Ghetto

Blaster, Slippery Sid,

Black Beauty, Ol' Calcutta,

and your dick will

be useful for a little

while yet, Sergeant but

when push comes to

shove, it will be nothing

better than one of these

little rubber things,

and that is the future then.

And then the Hudson Rubber Company will be

worth a fortune and I

will get a proper Indian

accent.

This...

Yes, this I believe.

Thank you.

- Morning, Colonel Darling.

- Morning, Sergeant.

How's drag night coming along?

- Well, I mean, I'm very

much looking forward

to it, Sir.

I've been up all night

sewing their frocks.

- Is there any finer

sight than a regiment of

young, British men in full drag?

By God, it must terrify the enemy.

- Scares the sh*t outta me, Sir.

Good grief!

- What is it, Sergeant?

- Over there, Sir, in the scruff.

- What is that?

- It looks like a piano, Sir.

- Beware, Sir, my Lord Darling, this piano

could very well bring

about the collapse of the

entire British Empire.

- What?

- Oh, don't mind Deepak, Sir.

He always predicting the future.

Last week he foresaw Sarah Palin.

- What's that?

- Some kind of British

comedian, I think, Sir.

And then only last night,

he foresaw the Kardashian's.

- Is that some kind of disease?

- Yes it is.

- And you should see his little dick.

- I beg your pardon.

- He's got a little rubber toy, Sir.

Apparently, women will put

it up their hoochie coo--

- That's quite enough of that.

Take this piano back to

camp, it will make its

debut tonight at the

regimental fancy dress ball.

- Oh no, Sir, I beg you,

the rivers will run with

blood, the wren will leave

its nest, the frogs will

fall from the sky and

lambs will give birth to

little tadpoles.

And the owl will hoot at night and--

- The owl always hoots at night.

- This one will hoot in French.

- Oh, shut up, Deepak!

And Sergeant?

- Sir?

- I want to see you in my

tent the minute we get back.

- It might be a few minutes after, Sir.

- Why?

- Well, I have to take a Donald.

- A what?

- A Donald Trump.

- Oh, a dump!

- So I was taken back to

camp by the piano warriors,

a small hill tribe used

by the Scot's Gays for

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