What About Dick? Page #2

mention emotions and has

a beastly wife who cannot

satisfy his perfectly

normal manly urges which

would very easily be

satisfied with some

cold cream, a hand towel

and a copy of the

Guinness Book of Records.

Thank you, Aunt Maggie.

- I hope I don't disturb you ladies.

- Hey you, visitor, I'm not a lady.

- Oh, forgive me, it is your hairstyle.

My name is Hudson, I am in rubber.

- Oh really, are you wearing it?

- No, no, not wearing

it, it is my business.

- Well, of course it's your

business what you wear.

- No, no, no, it's my

business, my business.

- Mr. Hudson is the owner of

the Hudson Rubber Company.

- Oh, the manufacturer

of the Happy Trappy.

Well, I find it most

satisfactory, although

occasionally I do miss

the disappointment of a

real man.

- Mr. Hudson discovered

those gadgets in India.

He saw the future of

rubber and embraced it.

- How precisely this woman understands me.

And how perfectly lovely

she is with her warm eyes,

her rosy lips and her firm,

welcoming curtly, bouncy--

- I can hear you, Mr. Hudson.

- Very sorry, Miss Schlegel.

- Have you seen Dick, Mr. Hudson?

- Yes, quite a lot in India.

- No, no, this is Dick, he's at Oxford.

- Oh, well what is he reading?

- The Three Musty Queers.

- The Three Musketeers.

- Sorry, yes, no.

- I read French Philosophy,

trouble was it was

all in French, didn't get

a word of it.

- Mr. Hudson, you're such a card

- Yes, yes, well, well

we mustn't spend all day

doing that.

This isn't America.

- How very witty Mr. Hudson is and he has

such lovely eyes and such

manly thighs and such

eloquent hips and--

- I can hear you, Miss Schlegel.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Well, I must be off,

I need to lubricate a

new oiler for my jigger, I

have no idea how that sounded.

- It sounds so romantic.

Dick, Dick, what about Dick

Is there some dreadful mystery

Hidden in his history

Dick, Dick his light is short of gas

I don't think he is playing

from a full deck of cards

Everybody likes Dick

Everybody wants Dick

Though he seems to be a

sandwich short of a full picnic

Dick, Dick's a cappuccino with no foam

The lights are on but is

there really anybody home

- Those boys in the pub

seemed to take a real

shine to you, Dick.

- Mm.

- Dick, has anyone ever told you about the

birds and the bees?

- I'm 26.

- Oh, but did

anybody ever tell you

about the birds and the birds?

- No!

- Well, Dick, remember

when we were very young in

the nursery with nanny,

being violently incontinent

and we were like Peter

Pan, we never wanted to

grow up?

- Yes.

- Well, when Peter comes

fluttering in through

the bedroom window, he

wants Wendy, but not

for a wife.

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