Wet Hot American Summer Page #13

for a terrific summer.

Cooking for all you

nice people...

has really helped me get over the

fact that I fought in the Vietnam war.

Have a great winter!

I'm gonna go hump the fridge!

What?

Yes, folks, it's true. I said,

"I'm gonna go hump the fridge."

What you may not know is that

I also own a bottle of dick cream.

I fondle my sweaters, and I often

like to smear mud on my ass.

You're probably asking yourselves,

"isn't he a weirdo,

outcast, loose cannon?"

Maybe. I don't think so.

I want to introduce you guys

to someone. This is my friend.

I don't know who he is,

but I do know this.

At a time when I was trying

to hide myself from myself,

He was there to show me a new way.

Because I couldn't hide from him.

And I can be proud of who I am.

I put it to you, Camp Firewood,

As we spend our last dinner together:

Be proud of who you are!

Look at me, ma!

I made it! I'm okay!

Now, if you don't mind,

I have some unfinished

business to attend to.

Great!

Hey! Hey!

You f***in' a**holes!

Let me go!

No! No! No!

Please, stop!

No, no, no!

No! No!

Oh, Henry,

I'm so happy.

But what will become

of us tomorrow?

Hey, you. Penny for your thoughts.

Beth, tomorrow's

the least of our problems.

Don't tell me. Don't even

tell me you have crabs.

No. Well, yes,

but that's not the point.

- What is the point? - This isn't the

time or the place to discuss it.

Beth, meet me at the picnic table in

ten seconds. I'll tell you all about it.

Okay.

Beth, hello. Thanks for coming.

Let's get right to it.

You may recall ten seconds ago, I asked

you to join me here by the picnic table...

so I could tell you what's going on.

Well, earlier today, I saw what I

thought was possibly a planet,

also possibly a meteor

in the evening sky.

I now believe that object

was none other...

than a renegade piece of Skylab,

the NASA space station.

- And it's heading right for the camp.

- Oh, my God!

And there's more. We have

no way of pinpointing exactly

where it's going to land.

- It could kill us all!

- Jesus!

Wait a minute! There

might be a way...

to build a homemade

Skylab tracking device!

- Which accomplishes? - We could

surmise the location of impact.

We could avert a tragedy on

the scale of the Hindenburg.

- Beth, will you help us?

- Anything you need.

Let's do it!

Hey, Andy?

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Sure.

- Okay, well...

- Time's up.

You said a second.

- I want to ask you something. - So you

want to talk for more than a second?

- Yeah.

- What is it then? like a couple minutes?

- No. yeah, at most, say, like

three minutes. - Fine.

- Do you really love Katie?

- Not really.

Because I really

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