Wet Hot American Summer Page #12

guys already had one. We

have the receipt if you do.

No, we don't have one. Thank you!

It goes with the chenille throw

cloth Beth's sister gave us.

Okay, everybody, attention.

I've got an announcement.

I know you're all getting ready

for the big talent show tonight,

but the following campers

need to put their trunks out...

so the early bus to Boston

can pick them up at 7:30 a.m.

Amanda Klein, Jessica Azaria,

Ira Stevenberg, Sol Zimmerstein,

uh, David... Ben Gurion.

Cookin' slop for the grunts

in 'Nam was easier than this.

We had no place being over there.

It was a war we couldn't win, Gene.

Yeah, well I'm gonna go

smear some mud on my ass.

What?

I said, "I hear

my bud's in class."

I gotta go and call my bud

and see how his grades are.

- I, I gotta go. go away, leave

me alone. - Gene, hold on.

Look, I don't care what you do in your

private time, but don't lie about it.

I mean, you clearly said,

"smear mud on my ass."

And I'll tell you something.

If you wanna smear mud on your ass,

smear mud on your ass.

Just be honest about it.

Look, Gene, I've never

told anyone this before.

But I can suck my own dick.

And I do it.

A lot.

There, I said it.

I was honest.

And you know what, Gene?

Being honest

makes you feel better.

Hey, Katie, wait.

I'm sorry about before.

- I hope that wasn't bad timing.

- No.

- Coop, we have to talk.

- Sure.

I was thinking that what happened

between us before was a mistake.

- And, uh...

- What?

I wasn't thinking straight.

It was wrong.

No, it wasn't wrong.

Katie, why are you doing this?

I'm really sorry.

Come on!

This is a joke, right?

I have a boyfriend, Coop.

And I can't... I can't do

this. I'm sorry.

Wait, Katie!

When we first started hanging

out together this morning...

we were just friends.

But things change, and I've

fallen in love with you.

And I just, I just know

that if you gave me a chance,

I could make you feel so good.

So I'm coming to you,

not as your buddy,

and not as a co-counselor,

but for the first time as a man.

A man who loves a woman,

and who wants to hold her,

and provide for her,

and, yes, have sex with her.

But, seriously, Katie,

I love the way you laugh.

And I love the way

your hair smells.

And I love it that sometimes for

no reason, you're late for shul.

And I don't care that

you're bowlegged and bilingual.

All I know is I would have said "no"

to every person on your list...

because I've always

wanted you.

Coop, I don't know

what to say.

Coop, wait!

Rachael Clipperhofferman,

- Steven Schenk...

- Beth!

- Can I make a quick announcement

before we finish up? - Sure thing.

I want to thank all of you

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