Weekend Page #4

- I was gonna say, what the f***, like?

F***in' hell, he's on

his phone, isn't he?

Who are you f***ing talking to?

You get lucky as well, did you, son?

- No, no.

- No? Ah, he's a f***ing shy one, isn't he?

Don't worry, it weren't Becky.

It weren't Becky.

You can f***ing have her, mate.

Bring your rubber gloves next time

and we'll f***ing go twos up, eh?

- Do the David Seaman on her.

- Shut up!

(Women chatting and laughing)

(Glen) Afternoon.

(Glen chuckles)

There you go, you might need it.

- Cheers.

- That's all right.

Chin-chin.

What a beauty.

Thank you.

I got it in a charity shop for,

like, 3 quid, it was a bargain.

(Glen) So, do you

enjoy your job?

(Russell) Yeah, it's all right.

(Glen) There's nothing wrong with

being a lifeguard, you know.

I didn't say there was.

I'm just saying.

I was in the swimming team

with one of my schools, so...

- You ever save anyone's life?

- Yeah.

Really?

- Yeah. (Laughs)

What's funny about that?

I've saved loads of people's lives.

Old people mainly, but I've been a

lifeguard for years, so it's...

Someone drowned once.

- I was off duty though, so...

- Oh, shame.

Yeah, I know.

(Glen coughing)

F*** me!

You all right?

You need to stop smoking, mate.

It's all right, I'll get

you a free day pass.

This is a nice place

you've brought me to.

So what do you do now?

I can't really remember, sorry.

- I work in the gallery in town.

- That's right, I remember.

Have you ever been?

No. That's the ugly one, right?

- Do you like art?

- Yeah.

It doesn't matter if you don't.

No, I like art. Just because I haven't

been to a gallery doesn't mean I don't.

(Glen) Have you travelled much?

No, not really.

- Have you ever been to America?

- No, I'd like to though.

Listen, want a backie?

No.

You can't be... No, I can't.

- Come on, put your leg over.

- F***'s sake!

I look like a twat!

- Oh, Jesus. Ah, f***!

(Horn beeps)

You on? OK, put your

arms around my waist.

Come on, there we go.

Do you feel safe?

- No!

- Good.

- You ready?

- This is a bad idea! (Laughing)

- It's a brilliant idea.

(Laughing)

(Horn beeps) - Whoo-ooo!

(Russell) Scream if you

want to go faster!

(Music thudding on car stereo)

I like all your stuff.

Thanks.

Looks like you raided

a charity shop.

Yeah.

I hate new stuff, you know?

(Sliding sounds)

- What are you writing?

- Nothing. (Chuckles)

Like this mug, for example.

This was probably owned by some lovely

little old lady with a moustache.

Mmm.

And she bought it and it was her

favourite thing in the whole wide world,

and then she died, gave

it to her grandchildren,

they hated it, sold it,

then bought an Xbox or a Wii

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