
Weekend
(Door opens)
(Bicycle freewheel clicking)
(Water splashing)
(Phone buzzing)
(Dog barking)
(Music on earphones)
Hiya! You're always fucking
late, you, aren't you?
- Sorry.
- Oh, it's good to see you.
And you.
- Come in.
- You look really good.
(Giggles) Get in!
Yeah, they're in the living
room, they're all in there.
- Cathy, your oven's not working.
- Don't worry about it, it'll be all right.
(Men shouting) - All right?
All right?
- How you doing?
- Yeah, good.
- I made a bet you'd be on time tonight.
- Sorry.
- Hiya!
- Hiya.
I had a late shift at work.
- Well, you're here now. Beer?
- Yeah, cheers.
And something to
get you started.
- All right, Russ?
- All right, Johnny. How you doing?
This is Damien.
All right, mate?
- Get that down you, warm your cockles.
- Cheers.
- There you go.
- Thanks, buddy.
(Jamie laughs)
- Here we are! (Chatter)
There's no poppadoms,
I'm sorry, we're out.
What have we got?
Here, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie!
Have you got a plate, Johnny?
Hold on.
- We haven't got enough plates.
- We haven't got enough plates.
- This is doing my head in.
- Take these off me.
(Chatter)
- Get lost.
(Woman) It's all right, we'll share.
- Cath, have you got another plate?
- Another plate? Have we not got enough?
No.
You need one, as well. Get two.
(Woman) You can eat from the
packet, you'll be fine.
(Cathy) I'll just have a small one.
- I'll have any one.
Actually, you should have the
small one cos you were late.
(Johnny) All right, this stag do,
right, I'm thinking, a few...
couple of beers, go out, you
know, sambucas, all that...
- strip club.
- Definitely.
No, you're not
having a stripper.
- No, no, no, you're not invited.
- You're not having a stripper!
You've got to have a stripper.
It's traditional, isn't it?
- It is traditional.
- Tradition.
(Helen) It's not
traditional, it's foul.
I'm not going to have a stripper.
I don't see why you should.
It's not foul. Get a classy one.
It's just natural - get a classy one!
(Cathy) Russ, you wouldn't
like a stripper, would you?
- I don't know, I don't...
- Yeah, he's all right with a stripper,
in't you, eh?
Right? So...
(Jamie) Russ starts a little fire, nice
and cosy in the middle of the field,
and before you know it these
fifth years come along
and they're just adding
wood and adding wood,
there's a big line of people just adding wood.
The fire is fucking massive.
- The flames are higher than this house.
(Laughter)
Look, I'm not joking!
- And then we are... And then...
- It's true.
...any minute, we're
surrounded by police,
the whole perimeter
of the entire field
with those million-power
candle torches things.
(Laughter)
- And an Astra burns on, full beam,
and we all scarper, you're fucking
left there stoned out your mind!
(Laughter)
You are coming on
Sunday, aren't you?
You're joking?
I don't think I can handle
I can't wait, mate.
I've got Lois the
sweetest little present.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
That's nice. Well, of course you have -
that's why we made you the godfather.
- It's nice to see you, mate.
- Yeah.
You've been keeping a
low profile recently.
- Mmm.
- Anything to tell?
Er...
Yeah, there's...
there's a promotion at work.
- Ah, promotion.
- Been doing a few extra shifts.
Come on, let me in, let me in,
let me in, let me in, let me in!
- All right?
- All right, mate?
Here, give us that.
Eh? What do you reckon?
You look lovely.
(Laughs) You look lovely!
- No, you look nice.
(Jamie laughs)
- I look like, er...
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Citation
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"Weekend" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/weekend_23196>.