We Are Your Friends Page #4

ABANDONED THERE:

WITH SARA.

D*CKS.

SHE DID UNSPEAKABLE THINGS.

THIS F***IN' BEAT MY ASS.

I THOUGHT I WAS STRONG, MAN.

GIRL WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL ME

LATER. IT'S WHATEVER.

GENTLEMEN...

YOUR EARNINGS.

HEY, HEY.

THERE IT IS.

200 BUCKS?

WHAT THE F*** IS THIS, MAN?

WE BROUGHT IN 560 PEOPLE

LAST NIGHT.

WE BROUGHT IN 562.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE POINT OF

THIS. WE BRING IN 500 HEADS--

I'M GONNA F***IN' MURDER

THAT CHEESE-DICK.

MOTHERF***ER!

LOOK, I JUST READ

ABOUT THIS GUY, RIGHT,

WHO INVENTED INSTAGRAM.

HE SOLD IT FOR $400 MILLION.

SO?

MAN, HE WAS 26 YEARS OLD.

I MEAN, HE SPENT THE NEX F***ING YEAR OF HIS LIFE

FLYING AROUND THE WORLD,

TAKING PICTURES OF HIS

GIRLFRIEND ON DIFFERENT BEACHES.

KEVIN SYSTROM.

WHAT?

IT'S KEVIN SYSTROM, THE GUY

WHO INVENTED INSTAGRAM.

HIS NAME IS KEVIN SYSTROM.

F*** KEVIN SYSTROM.

DUDE, I LIVE FOR THURSDAYS.

THE CLUB IS MY THING.

YEAH, MAN, I'M NOT SAYING

WE SHOULD QUIT ALTOGETHER,

BUT AREN'T YOU TIRED

OF TAKIN' TAXIS

BACK FROM F***IN' SILVER LAKE

EVERY NIGHT?

I'M TIRED OF TAKING SQUIRREL'S

MOM'S F***ING STATION WAGON.

OKAY, I'M TIRED OF DRIVING

YOUR BUM ASS AROUND.

I'M F***ING TIRED OF YOU JERKING

OFF FIVE FEET FROM MY PILLOW.

OH, MAN, YOU'RE NOT GONNA

GET TIRED OF THAT EVER.

YOU GUYS WANNA MAKE REAL MONEY?

OR YOU WANNA F***IN' LIVE

AND DIE IN THE VALLEY?

LOOK, I HAVE AN IDEA.

IN MY LIFE,

I DO NOT RELY ON ANYTHING

THAT'S NOT CONCRETE.

ALL THIS ABSTRACT,

COMPUTERIZED, DIGITIZED,

ON PAPER BULLSHIT.

IT'S FOR PUSSIES.

F*** A DIAMOND,

THAT SH*T'S FOREVER.

HI, MRS. HENDERSON?

HI, I'M CALLING FROM GOLD STAR

REALTY SOLUTIONS.

HI, MY NAME IS COLE. I'M CALLING

FROM GOLD STAR REALTY SOLUTIONS.

THIS IS A LIST OF HOMEOWNERS

IN THE AREA:

THAT ARE IN THE UNFORTUNATE

POSITION OF FACING FORECLOSURE.

I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD TALK

TO A MR. STEIN?

MR. STEEN?

SO WE'RE COLD-CALLING

PEOPLE?

NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU ARE CALLING

PEOPLE WHO ARE IN NEED

WITH THE SOLUTION

THAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

WHEN YOU CALL THESE PEOPLE,

YOU'RE CALLING AS THEIR FRIEND.

WE CHARGE $5,000 TO NEGOTIATE

THEIR FORECLOSURES

WITH THE BANKS.

EVERY DEAL YOU CLOSE...

I GIVE YOU 15%.

WELL, THAT'S LIKE SIX--

$750.

BOOM.

GOOD F***IN' MATH, KID.

NOW, TO RESTORE YOUR FAITH

IN HUMANITY,

LET ME BREAK YOU OFF SOMETHIN',

REAL PROPER LIKE.

WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM, BOYS.

HOLY SH*T!

THAT'S LIKE 1,000 BUCKS,

AT LEAST.

SMELL IT. SMELL IT. SMELL IT.

LET'S DO THIS,

LET'S DO THIS.

COME ON,

IT'S A GOOD THING.

SO, DAD...

ME AND COLE, WE'VE BEEN

MAKING SOME MONEY,

AND I THOUGHT MAYBE

WE COULD INVEST IN THE ROOF

AND SOME FLOORS:

AND WE COULD HAVE

THIS F***IN' HOUSE

READY TO SELL BY WINTER

FOR SURE.

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