Wanderlust Page #7

So I'm not five years old anymore.

It's such a freaking shocker.

Funny. Yeah.

What a shithead.

What's that over there? Is

that a margarita machine?

Oh, yes, this is my new very best

friend in the whole wide world.

I have a little bit of

a SkyMall problem.

Do you want one? I can

make you one. Please.

We normally have a 4:30 ritual

and I always say,

"Why have 5:
00 when you

could have 4:
30?"

Do you ever read SkyMall?

Yeah, when I'm on a plane.

Yeah. It's good reading.

Little more. Okay.

Keep going. Okay.

I thought you rented construction

equipment.

I do. Porta-Pottys.

What do you think, construction

workers hold it in all day?

Here's a little business model for

you, Mr. New York Fancy Pants.

They sh*t, I rake it in.

What, are you grossed out by money?

So, this is the new den,

and this is where I sit and

watch TV all day long.

Just wasting my life away.

Thank God for Wellbutrin, right?

I'm alone most of the time.

Rick work a lot?

Well, he entertains clients at

night or has affairs or...

I'm kidding, of course. Are you?

I have a dildo in here.

Feel free to use it and know

that it's clean because

I put it through the dishwasher

like Whoopi say to do.

Can we top these off?

Do you like hamburgers?

Rick's going to grill some

hamburgers this weekend.

I have mixed feelings

about being a parent.

Here you go, shithead.

Simple data entry.

Do they still use computers

in New York City?

Yeah. You want me to

enter this data?

Are you questioning me?

Don't question me.

Here, you're not my brother, you're

not my buddy, you're my employee.

Got it? Are you serious?

Am I serious? You're fired.

You're rehired, okay? Consider that

a warning shot. Get to work.

Paco, watch this guy, all right?

Do me a favor. Keep

your eye on Paco,

because I don't trust

these people, okay?

You're drinking already?

It's a mimosa. It's

a breakfast drink.

You know, it's kind of funny.

Because when we were kids, George

used to mooch off me.

And now that we're all grown up,

the mooching has begun again.

You win, Rick.

You got a big house, you're a big

success. You're the winner.

Come on. You know I'm being

a dick to be a dick.

I'm just being a dick to be a

dick. Family's family, right?

My little brother needs

a job, I hook him up.

I'm looking for something

on my own, actually.

In this economy? You think you're

going to find something?

Here comes the lecture.

"Here comes... "

"Here comes the... "

All right, then I'll shut up.

I'll shut up. You know

what? I'll shut up.

Because I don't want

to lecture you.

In my own house!

God damn it!

Okay, you know what?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I "apologize," okay?

But can I give you one

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes