Waking Up in Reno Page #5

one of these anywhere else.

We don't need

another damn shot glass.

All they do is

collect dust anyhow.

Put that back and let's go.

We're gonna have to make up some

time before lunch, all right?

Hon, would you like me

to help you bag up some of this?

DARLENE:
Since Lonnie Earl

planned the trip,

he decided to stop in Amarillo

so could eat

this 72-ounce steak.

Of course,

his $50 bet with Bill Moore

was the real reason

we were stopping there.

I swear that husband of mine

would do anything

to save a buck.

[Horn blares]

[Fanfare plays]

- Isn't that pretty?

- Oh, no.

Wait, Lonnie Earl.

Let me get your picture.

- My Lord.

- One more.

Okay. You ready?

Get closer to the meat.

Whoo!

I'm sorry.

That is the ass end of a rhino.

This is no bigger

than a Papa Burger at A& W.

- Easily handleable, all right?

- [Laughs]

That hunk of meat's bigger

than our cat.

You're gonna be sick is

what's gonna happen.

No. I got a plan.

You just take your time.

Breeze through it.

Eat this other sh*t afterward.

Push it through.

See what I'm sayin'?

Go with the flow.

That kind of deal.

- You're gonna be sick.

- Oh, shut up, Darlene.

Look at all this meat I get,

and I get paid to eat it.

RO Y:
You're gonna be ridin'

that porcelain pony.

Are you gonna go?

- First bite. I'm ready.

- There you go.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, could I

have your attention, please?

This is Mr. Lonnie Earl Dodd

from Millsberg,

and he's gonna try to eat

this 72-ounce steak dinner.

Go, Lonnie Earl.

He has one hour

to eat 72 ounces of meat,

salad, shrimp cocktail,

baked potato, and bread.

If you'd like to look

at this steak,

come over and take a look,

but don't ask

too many questions.

He only has an hour

to do this in.

Let's give Lonnie Earl

a little round of encouragement.

[Cheers and applause]

[Swing music plays]

[Music continues]

Okay... he's got 45 seconds.

Everybody give him a hand.

He's gonna make it.

[Cheers and applause]

RO Y:
Lonnie Earl Dodd! Whoo!

"Big Texan Steak Ranch 72-ounce

Steak Club achievement award."

CAND Y:

To Lonnie Earl Dodd.

I saw.

That's free

and you get 50 bucks?

Mm-hmm.

So good.

Can I take a bite of yours?

If I can have your cherry.

Sure you can, honey.

There you go.

RO Y:
I can't eat

this whole dang thing.

Of course you can, Roy.

CAND Y:

Well, I'll help you.

I knew you would, baby.

It's not like Lonnie Earl

will help you.

[Laughter]

Lonnie Earl...

[Chuckles]

Lonnie Earl, look at this.

I would like to present you

with a gift.

CAND Y:

Come on, Lonnie Earl!

RO Y:
I just want to

see you puke.

CAND Y:
Quit it.

RO Y:
Oh, he's fakin'!

It's not funny, Lonnie Earl.

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