Waking Up in Reno

DARLENE:

You know, relationships can be

a lot like a loaf of bread.

At the beginning,

they're hot and fresh,

and you can always get a rise.

But with time, if you don't

knead 'em carefully,

they grow old and stale.

Now, I know that life

ain't no Easy-Bake oven.

But with the kids

and my husband's job,

it's almost as if we've

forgotten to add the yeast.

So I'm hoping this trip to Reno

with our best friends,

Candy and Roy,

will be just what

the doctor ordered.

"F"...

"L"...

"O"...

Can't you see it, Darlene?

No. It's kinda hard

to make out.

[Sighs]

I think I'm just nervous, doc,

'cause Lonnie Earl and I have

got to go on vacation tomorrow,

and I'm just not real good

about leavin' home.

[Beep]

WOMAN:
Stacey Regal,

call the operator.

Okay.

All right, baby.

Move that sign.

I'm tryin' to sell

some cars here.

Hey, Lonnie Earl Dodd here.

Guess what, folks.

It's time for our annual

Presidents' Day Blowout sale,

and I gotta tell you,

I'm feelin' rather patriotic.

And I guarantee we won't be

undersold by anybody,

and if you can't trust

ol' Lonnie Earl Dodd,

then you can't trust anybody.

All right now, Darlene.

Just go ahead

and use one or two of those

drops if you feel the need,

especially out there on that old

I-40 around the Mojave Desert.

[Chuckles]

You just go on and have yourself

a vacation.

Thanks, doc.

Roy?

DARLENE:
Hey, Roy!

Oh, I got to call Candy

and see if she's bringing

any nice clothes.

- She home?

- Yeah, yeah.

But I can't find that husband

of yours nowhere.

I've called all over the place,

and I can't rouse him.

Well, you know Lonnie Earl.

He's probably up to no good.

And if you can't trust me,

who can you trust?

And remember... if you can't

trust me, Lonnie Earl...

[Grunts, glass breaks]

Is there a problem?

You're damn right there is!

How come you got to take

a shower after?

Huh?

You feel dirty?

'Cause I sure as hell

feel dirty.

Oh, my God, Lonnie Earl.

We're filthy.

I'm not.

I'm Zestfully clean.

[Grunts, glass breaks]

Oh, sh*t!

How could you do that to me?!

One minute you're cryin'

on my shoulder about Darlene,

the next minute

you're bangin' me from behind!

Well, you told me

not to look at you.

[Telephone rings]

DR. TULE Y:
I got to send

the sample over to the lab.

Turn your head and cough.

[Coughs]

Don't waste your time

worryin' about it, though.

Y'all just go on

and enjoy your vacation.

Well, you know,

I guess you're right,

'cause I know worryin' about it

ain't gonna change nothin',

- is it?

- That's right.

So, uh... what y'all got

lined up?

Lonnie Earl's got a bet

with ol' Bill Moore

that he can eat this giant

ol' 72-ounce steak in Amarillo.

Horseshit.

Then we're gonna pop up

to the Grand Canyon,

'cause Darlene's always

wanted to see that.

And you know what a partier

Candy is.

She's lookin' for the night life

and the shows

and the gamblin' and all that.

But the big thing is,

we got tickets

to the Monster Truck Jam.

Yeah, yeah.

That sounds like a big time.

You know, Roy,

I could send the test results

over to Candy's folks,

let them know when they come in.

No. No, sir.

I don't want... them worryin'

or nothin',

so I'd like to be

the first to know.

Well, all right, then.

I'll just wait to hear from you.

And don't you worry.

I'll bet you that everything's

gonna be just fine.

WOMAN ON TV:

...Beautiful emerald...

[Dog whimpering,

metal rattling]

Oh...

Do you have to go outside,

Miss Thing?

[Dog whimpering]

Come on, sweetie.

Come on.

It's a bird. It's a plane.

No, it's Superman!

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