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Because it bears

a striking resemblance to-

Aha. Brain. Yeah.

Okay. For that you get

two kicks.

- So-

- The third one, I call it the "Bat Wing. "

Okay. What you do is you take

the excess skin from your nuts,

and you take it and you make it flat

like paper, all right?

Now, once again, you take

the time to appreciate this.

You see that it looks all veiny and alive

like a bat wing, all right?

If they look, they get

three kicks, all right?

But you can't forget this,

all right?

You gotta call 'em

a fag, okay?

Very important.

The game loses it's meaning

if you don't humiliate them

for being a f***ing meatcake.

You got that?

I just don't understand

why your mom gives you

so much sh*t anyway.

I don't know, man.

You know.

She's my mom. She wants me

to succeed in life.

Yeah. Whatever the hell that means.

Jesus, I'm just glad

my mom's not like that.

So I called your house

today at 2:
00.

You were still asleep,

weren't you?

That's an understatement.

So what did you do last night?

I trust my little angeI

didn't do anything immoraI.

Well, let's see.

I started by getting completely

hammered drunk. It was bad.

Then drove while intoxicated to pick up

this disease-infested prostitute.

Uh-huh.

From there, let's see. Me and the hooker

went back to my place-

The hooker and I.

Excuse me. The hooker and I

went back to my place.

And from there-

God, it was just a blur of intravenous

drug abuse and unprotected sex

while taking

the Lord's name in vain.

Dean, did you know that when Monty was

a child, everyone thought he was retarded?

Dean, doesn't my mom

look old?

I mean, like, much older

than she rightfully should?

So why aren't you and Serena still together?

I liked her.

I don't know.

I guess it got old.

We had a relationship

based on orgasms.

Oh, how charming.

You are being safe,

aren't you?

I don't think I could handle

the idea of you reproducing.

Come on, Mom.

Of course I'm being safe.

I pull out.

Yes, well, your father

pulled out too,

but we've all seen

the tragic end of that story.

You think I wanna have kids?

Absolutely not.

That's why I stick to anaI sex.

If only I had been so lucky.

Okay, so that's

the Abraham Lincoln.

But remember, you have to shave it

so it looks like his beard.

Otherwise, it don't count.

Now the last one.

The last one is called "The Goat. "

Okay, it's a bit trickier.

But if you can pull it off,

you are a god among men,

all right?

What you do is you take

your nuts and your dick, right?

And you tuck it underneath.

Pull your pants down,

show it, all right?

With it sticking out the backside.

You got that?

Okay, well, that just about covers

all the different variations that we have.

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