Van Wilder: Freshman Year Page #3

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-Hallelujah!

That's right, sisters.

I want you to feel the Lord inside you.

Because fornication, copulation

and the king of all sins, masturbation,

is happening all around us,

even at this very moment.

-Amen!

-Amen!

But we've got a secret because

we've got Jesus on our side.

Can I get an amen?

-Amen!

-Amen!

Amen, sisters!

Yes, they're feeling it right now!

They got the power of the Lord

deep down inside them.

-Amen!

-Amen!

Hallelujah, sister, hallelujah.

-Hallelujah!

-Hallelujah!

-I want each of you out there to pray.

-Amen.

Pray that you might be

feeling what they're feeling.

-Amen!

-Amen!

Yes, they're talking to the big guy.

-Amen!

-Amen!

Oh, the sisters are feeling

mighty good right now.

-Amen, sisters!

-Amen!

It's time for some tits and mass.

-Amen!

-Amen!

-Amen!

-Amen!

Amen, sisters!

That's what I'm talking about!

-Amen!

-Amen!

You might as well open up

your pearly gates, dear Lord.

'Cause these sisters are coming!

These sisters are coming!

These sisters are coming!

-Amen!

-Amen!

You know what these are?

You know what these are?

Yes, sir.

And I think experimentation

is healthy for any marriage.

You listen to me, funny man.

I can't prove it, but I know it was you.

And you can rest assured,

I will get to the bottom of this.

In this case, Chuck,

may I recommend some Vaseline.

You know, nowadays,

the Dean has much more influence

over a student's curriculum.

And I have got something special

in store for you.

Something to build character.

Something to make you a man.

-Left, left, left, left, left, left...

-Left, left, left, left, left, left...

I'm gonna take a stab in the dark

and say

that none of you signed up

for this, either.

Well, if they think

that we came to college

to waste our time playing soldier

to some slack-jawed, pituitary-pumping,

testosterone-tweaking Neanderthal,

then they...

Are 100% correct.

Attention! Straight line! Eyes forward!

I'm Corporal Hayes.

I will be your drill instructor.

It's my job to guide you

through your ROTC physical training,

which is required to graduate

from this institution.

Are there any questions?

Yes, soldier.

Do you, by chance, drill in private?

Well, Mr. Wilder, if you'd like,

I'm sure I can arrange for us to spend

a little one-on-one time together.

This a new experience for you?

Yeah.

I usually go electric.

Helps get those hard-to-reach spots.

Hilarious. I've met guys like you before.

The only person you care about

is yourself.

-Something funny?

-Yeah.

I just can't wait to prove you wrong.

We'll see.

Oh, and by the way, you missed a spot.

Enjoy.

I'm sorry. I ordered mine well-done.

I have better food in sweatshop.

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