Van Wilder: Freshman Year

Synopsis: Van Wilder starts his freshman year at Coolidge College and embarks on an adventure to land the campus hottie and liberate his school from sexual oppression and party dysfunction.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Harvey Glazer
Production: Paramount Studios
98 min

There is one graduate here today

that has won every single honor

and award this school gives out.

That graduate,

our friend, is Van Wilder!

Standing here today,

I cannot help but wish I could stay

in high school forever.

I mean, there are

so many warm mammories...

Memories I have of this place.

But, you see, change, like life,

has a way of sneaking up on us.

When we least expect it, yeah.

Sure, the timing may seem

very, very bad,

but yet it feels good, so good,

to be graduating

with some of the sharpest minds

and swiftly darting tongues

that this school has to offer.

Listen to me ramble.

I am really giving you a mouthful.

But before I'm finished,

it is my extreme pleasure

to recognize someone who has aced

her oral exams,

who has always been head of the class,

graduating summa cum

laude. Our very own valedictorian.

Congratulations, graduates!

-Congratulations, Son.


Now, let's get out of here.

The sooner we get to Amsterdam,

the sooner we won't be able

to remember it.


-You're not going to Amsterdam.

-I can't.

Sheik Mohammad is building

an island outside of Dubai.

And I'm gonna help him

import a million tons of sand.

It's a huge opportunity, Van.

Come on. You're gonna have

a great time without me.

Exploring nether regions

in the Netherlands

is not a bad way to spend

your summer before college.

I still don't know why I can't

just skip college and come work for you.

I mean, I know the business,

we could hang out...

Van, every Wilder man

has graduated from Coolidge.

It's tradition. And tradition

is something you just don't break.

I gotta run. Hey, have a great time,

do everything I wouldn't do,

and remember,

-''Banging, broke or blitzed...''

-''A Wilder never quits.''

Write that down.

Well, well. Look who just arrived.

Van, do you have

to go back to the college?

Come back to Amsterdam with us.

Dulia, Babette, I'm sorry, ladies,

but I must.

I've been waiting 30 years for this.

It's a little small, but I can work with it.

Van Wilder. I'm your new roommate.

All right. Farley.


Man, am I glad

we are roommates, man!

This place is a pimper's paradise.

I'm gonna make

some of my special brownies.

My God!

We've been invaded by Supercuts!

-Lieutenant Dirk Arnold, ROTC.

-Corporal Benedict, ROTC.

Van Wilder, WTF?

The Honorable Dean Charles Reardon

requests your presence immediately.

But I just put my slippers on.

Van Wilder, sir, as you ordered.

Return to your squad.

Well, well, Mr. Wilder.

Nice of you to join us.

Colonel Charles Reardon,

Dean, Coolidge College.

How's it hanging, Chuck?

You see these fine young men, Wilder?

These are Reardon's Raiders.

They've won every ROTC war game

for the past three years.

They're my pride and joy.

Good doggies.

I especially like your Chihuahua.

Lady Liberty is a purebred

Italian greyhound.

Actually, I was talking about that guy.


Secure Lady Liberty.

Let's you and me take a little ride, son.


-Good dog.

-Get the lead out, Wilder!

You know, I went to school here

with your father.

He acted like he owned the place,

just 'cause his family's name

was on that building over there.

You know what that name

means to me?

About as much as titties on a mule, son.

I run this outfit now.

And while you're here,

you'll follow Reardon's Rules.

No drinking, no fornicating,

and no partying, period.

Or you'll be the first Wilder

who fails to graduate from Coolidge.

Now, do you follow me?

Yes, sir! You prefer your mules titless!

Let's get one thing straight, son.

I may not be able to kick you out of here

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Brent Goldberg

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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