Unidentified Flying Oddball Page #3

(EVERYONE GASPS AND APPLAUDS)

Fear not, I have it subdued.

Your Majesty.

- Mordred, what have you in tow this time?

King Arthur, after the ceremony, I...

Your Majesty, with intention to rob,

this creature and five like it

fell upon me in the forest

with firebrands and lances!

I despatched the others and spared this one

as a curio for Your Majesty.

(APPLAUSE)

The head resembles a bug and I've not seen

tentacles like that on a man creature before.

It's this space suit, Your Majesty.

In sand shoes, slacks and a blazer...

What are your plans for it? It's not

large enough for a beast of burden.

I was thinking more along the lines

of a burning.

Excellent suggestion, Mordred!

With Your Majesty's approval,

I could do something

out of the ordinary with this creature.

What do you mean, burning?

Burn who? For what?

Burning is a fit punishment for the offence.

- Very well, then. A burning early tomorrow.

(PEOPLE) Burn him!

- When do I get my turn to bat? Wait, wait!

Wait! Let him speak.

I would know something of your plan.

- I could sell this better without this helmet.

Do you have a wrench around here?

- Wench? Wench?

We've several wenches. We don't usually

make them available to captive... things.

However... Peg! Tend to its needs!

Within reason!

I think if you could get a head lock

around here and twist...

Don't worry, you won't feel a...

That face!

Hi.

Er... you wanted to hear about my plan.

I suppose I should start with a little history

or, in your case, a little future.

In... 1492,

a man named Christopher Columbus

is going to discover America.

America is another continent

approximately 3,000 miles from here.

Columbus's ships will be named

the Nia, the Pinta and the Santa Maria.

A lot of people think that Leif Ericson

got there first. I don't know.

All I know is that all the banks are closed

on Columbus Day, not Ericson Day.

Ericson Day!

So we jump a couple of hundred years...

(SNORING)

So when Stardust blasted off prematurely,

I was trapped inside.

You recall my explanation

of the law of gravity

and how that theory is applied

to orbiting objects.

Well, Stardust...

- Yes, yes, we all recall Madame Curie...

.. and Fulton's steamboat... and that

imbecile who flew kites in the rain!

Just think what we could do

with the likes of them today

if they were not just the creation

of your disordered BRAIN!

Those are the straight goods. It happened

just the way I told you or, at least, it will!

And you seriously expect us to believe

that you were alive 1,400 years from now?

Then why aren't you 1,400 years old?

- Well, that's a little difficult to explain.

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