Unidentified Flying Oddball

Minus five, minus four... three, two, one.

Ignition.

We have separation.

What'll she do?

Stardust's mission is to explore the stars

and planets of this galaxy and beyond.

I know that. I mean how fast will she go?

Stardust should definitely travel

faster than light,

which, as you all know,

is 186,283.4 miles per second.

Wow! That's really pouring the coal to it!

We won't be using coal, Senator Milburn.

Stardust will actually collect atoms

while in flight,

ionising the medium ahead of the craft

and guiding the ions

into the intake area here.

This can be accomplished by the use

of intense magnetic fields.

In just four and a half years, the craft could

reach our nearest star, Alpha Centauri.

Aren't such speeds supposed to turn back

the clock or develop a time warp?

This flight will put Einstein's

Theory of Relativity to the test.

The crew won't be aware of time passing.

- Did you say "crew"?

The ship is designed for two crewmen.

- You can stop right there, Doctor.

You intend to put fine young American men

into that untried contraption

and shoot 'em out

into some never-never land?

That's oversimplifying it, but yes.

- Oh, no, you're not.

Not while I'm chairman of the Finance Ways

and Means Committee of this project.

Not with the elections coming up.

- We have women in the space programme.

Women? No, sir.

Come up with another brainstorm, Doctor, or

that baby's never gonna get out of this room.

(PHONE RINGS)

Trimble here.

- What are you doing?

Transcendental meditation, sir.

- I'm taking you off that project.

You're going onto Humanoids.

- Human...?

Humanoids?

- I want a robot that walks, talks, the works!

Yes, sir!

It's a method of transportation

known as an airplane.

Man uses it to fly through the air.

(BLEEPS)

This is a woman. I am a man. You are

modelled after me. She is the opposite sex.

(BLEEPS)

(CRUNCHING)

We named him Hermes

after the Greek god of speed.

We've managed to simulate

an ordinary, average human body.

Not only does Hermes look human,

but he has human reflexes and responses

to a given situation.

Such as.

How do you feel, Hermes?

- (BLEEPS) Fine, thank you.

He talks, he reacts to shapes and stimuli.

He'll relay information on human anatomical

compensation to interstellar flight

almost as well as man.

Please, gentlemen, step up and say hello!

Well, Senator, we did it.

(TV) This spacecraft will travel farther and

faster than anything yet conceived by man.

Stardust is designed and equipped

for exploration on distant planets.

We're informed by Ground Control

that all systems are green,

but we're on hold

due to a technical problem.

Hermes, the President is waiting.

What's holding things up?

I've got important guests out there.

Hermes doesn't want to go. He's afraid.

- Afraid? What's he afraid of?

That he won't ever come back.

It's possible. Hermes has thought

the problem through.

Walter's asking about the delay.

Tell him it's a technical problem

we're taking care of.

Zimmerman, I approved this contraption.

My committee chairmanship is riding on it.

You blow it and your budget next year

won't be enough to build a paper plane!

Smedley, get Trimble

to try and talk some sense into it.

Snap it up! There's a storm front coming in!

- Yes, sir.

(THUNDER)

Hermes, Hermes, I wanna talk to you.

Close the hatch.

What is this about you not wanting to go?

I'm afraid I'm never coming back.

- Of course you are.

What a silly thing to say.

Get into your nice white space suit.

Dr Zimmerman thinks it'll be good publicity.

You've put me in an embarrassing position.

What are people gonna think if we have to

scrub this mission because you're afraid?

Come on, just put this thing on.

What's this?

Hermes!

Well, 30 years is 30 years, I suppose.

We'll forget the suit. Hermes, we've spent

a lot of time and money on this mission...

Is that you, Hermes?

- No, it's Tom Trimble.

Get out of the picture, Trimble,

you look awful. Where Hermes?

He's here. I think he's hurt, broken.

You've got to get us down!

Impossible, Trimble. We can't abort this

mission now. Make yourself comfortable.

For 30 years?!

- Oh, it won't seem that long to you.

10 at the outside.

- I have agoraphobia and it's getting worse!

Relax or we can't get true readings on you.

Something else, Trimble.

When you get back, there'll be a surprise

in your pay envelope. How's that sound?

Like a posthumous award!

- Ahem. Well, I have to go.

You won't have much to report until

you reach star Vega, but keep in touch.

But...

(BLEEPING)

Hermes, do something!

We've got to get this thing down!

Do what you were programmed to do.

I'm sorry. Your pulse staticizer probably

got jammed when you bumped your head.

Don't worry, it's nothing that a soldering

iron and a screwdriver can't fix.

I gotta get this thing into orbit.

Oh, no!

(SIZZLING)

Oh, boy, the power's failing.

No... it's the sun rising and setting!

I gotta slow this thing down.

We'd best spend the night here, then get

an early start for Camelot in the morning.

(EXPLOSION)

What was that?!

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

It's after us!

Shh!

Why would it stick its tongue out at us?

What's that?

(SQUAWKING)

Now you've done it! Fly for your life!

Oh, please, take me instead!

No contest! But, lady, you wouldn't believe

what I've been through so... Where am I?

Bodney-on-Trent, Langdale Walk,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes