Uncommon Law Page #3

---

I mean he's an accountant

and kind of boring,

so I wanted to talk about

something interesting.

You're not helping, Keri.

Look, I don't see what the big deal is.

You pretend to be married.

Not all the time.

- Often enough.

- What's wrong with that?

Aside from the obvious?

It's confusing as hell!

What's so confusing about it?

Aside from the obvious?

It took me three months to

realize you guys weren't married.

See?

Poor Wade can't handle that sh*t, man.

Lots of people pretend to be married.

Yeah pretend maybe,

but they don't make a lifestyle out of it.

We're not making it a lifestyle.

You're shopping for a ring

for a guy you're not even married to.

So?

It's bad enough you have rings

without buying them for each other.

Alright that was my fault.

I did the schizo wife bit last week,

got a little carried away, I

threw it into someone's soup.

- Maybe that was a sign.

- Sign of what?

That you're losing your damn mind!

If it's a sign, I

think you should take it.

I mean I always listen to

what my horoscope says.

Like this one time I went to New York

because my horoscope said that big things

were gonna happen to me, to meet an agent.

And when they wouldn't see me

I grabbed a street performer's mic

and started singing as loud as I could.

Did they let you in?

No.

But the restraining

order's only temporary,

so I think I'll try again next year.

I don't know what to do with that.

If you guys have such a hard

time trying to find someone,

why don't you just find each other?

Are you kidding?

We've got a good thing going,

I'm not gonna screw that up by dating her.

Oh please.

Do you know how much ass you've missed

because girls figured you were taken?

And you didn't think

to tell them I wasn't?

Are you kidding?

I've gotta get laid too, sh*t.

Well see I'm doing a community service.

No, community service would

be helping Wade get some.

The last three girls I've asked out

have all been lesbians.

Hey is that a new line?

Or has my gay-dar just sprung a leak?

But why the blog?

I mean isn't it weird that you're telling

the whole world about your little schemes?

It's not the whole world.

20,000 people.

(COUGHS)

20,000?

That's like Rhode Island.

No Wade, it isn't.

Nah, it's fun, and people like it.

I've sent out feelers to a few publishers,

gonna try and make a book out of it.

And you're okay with that?

Why not, it's funny.

You don't think about

what it makes you look like?

You should never worry about

what people think about you.

Because then you'll spend

every hour of every day

wondering if people like you or not,

and then you'll have to go to therapy,

then you'll spend years trying to

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes