Uncle Nick Page #3

Take that, Plinko!

Work the shaft, Bob Barker,

work the shaft!"

- You're really going

to make me regret

inviting you over today, huh?

- Probably.

- Great, then it'll be

just like my wedding.

- I don't remember your wedding.

- "This is how we do it..."

- I remember everything.

- Just keep it together, okay?

It's our first real

Christmas as a family.

- Oh, uh, Nick.

Put that out.

- I will when I find an ashtray.

- No, no, um... No, no,

this is a no-smoking house

so I'm sorry... ugh...

but if you have to smoke

you have to go outside.

- I'll freeze my

balls off out there

and you don't want to see me

without a cigarette.

It's like this but worse.

- Well, then...

you can use Cody's studio.

- Cody has a studio?

What the f***?

The latest in a long line

of my brother's failed careers.

And now he's apparently

a t-shirt designer?

- "Futtbucker."

What a douche.

- Can I bum a cigarette?

- You smoke?

- Of course.

It makes my mom so happy.

- What is all of this?

- "Co-Tees."

It's a play on words.

- No, I get it.

- He, like, set up

a website and everything.

And I actually model

for him sometimes.

- Yeah?

You like doing that?

- Yeah, it's fun actually.

Plus, who knows?

Maybe one day

I'll be on a runway in Paris.

- I could see that.

- Oh, yeah?

- This whole t-shirt thing

is news to me.

When did Cody start this?

- Ah, when my mom made him

quit the wine bar.

- She made him quit?

- Yeah, so that way

he wouldn't have to work

weird hours anymore

and never be at home.

And now he can just

do whatever he wants

and follow his dreams.

- F***.

- Can I use your glass?

- Yeah, sure.

Damn, girl.

You were thirsty, huh?

- Yeah, don't tell my mom.

- I can keep a secret.

- I bet you can.

Do you have a girlfriend?

- No.

Not really.

- Yeah, but I bet you have

fuckbuddies, right?

- I get around, I guess.

What about you?

Do you have anyone?

- No.

I'm not really interested

in having some relationship.

I just want to have fun

and not worry about getting

some jealous guy upset.

- Yeah.

You're a smart girl.

Guys your age,

all they know how to do

is how to mimic

whatever they've seen

on Bang Bus.

It's an epidemic.

It's all about anal sex

and blowin' it on some

poor girl's tits and...

ah, Jesus...

well, you... sorry.

But you know what I mean, right?

- I probably said too much.

But it was the truth.

- I should go before

my mom catches me.

- If you need another drink

or smoke or whatever,

you know where I am.

- A couple more drinks,

then things will start

getting interesting.

In the third inning,

the beer was flowing

and the crowd was

having a good time.

That didn't last long.

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