Uncle Nick

Synopsis: Lewd, drunken Uncle Nick (Brian Posehn: Mr. Show & Sarah Silverman Program) stumbles his way through his brother's cookie-cutter family's annual Christmas gathering in the hopes of hooking up. Presented by Errol Morris, Uncle Nick is a comedy of inappropriate behavior, uncomfortably interrupted trysts, and a monumental over-serving of ten-cent beers.
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Chris Kasick
Production: Chris Kasick Company
Rotten Tomatoes:
93 min


- Are you recording?

Alright, let's do this.

Anyone have a Kleenex?


Cleveland Municipal Stadium.

Ground was broken

on June 24th, 1930.

The three million dollar

facility officially opened

just over a year later,

and become home

to the Cleveland Indians

and Chief Wahoo.

The Indians won the

World Series in '48,

and won the American

League pennant in '54.

The Browns were

a championship team.

Local DJ Alan Freed introduced

the world to Rock and Roll.

Cleveland was

a great place to live.

Then the slump kicked in.

Decades of heartbreak.

Bad trades and bad luck.

The curse of Rocky Colavito.

In '69, the Cuyahoga River

caught fire,

and the story made

Time Magazine.

That incident turned Cleveland

into the worst kind of joke...

a running joke.

The city had gained

a catchy slogan:

"The Mistake on the Lake."

- Hi, Nick,

this is Fairview Park

Senior Care calling.

Your mother is

feeling tired today.

We don't think she

should go out in the cold.

We're paging the doctors.

It's nothing to worry about.

She said she'll call you

in the morning.

- Hey, what's going on, amigo?

Yeah, I need you to vaminos

over to my house,

take me by my brother's place.

Come on, man.

It's Christmas Eve,

not Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas!

Hey, Valerie.

What's crack-a-lackin', girl?


Yes, you can be on the clock.



Not in that shirt.

- Hey, what's going on?

- Hey, Luis.

- So where does

your brother live?

- In those rich-ass old houses

over by Lakewood Park.

- Oh, there are some

really nice homes over there.

- He sure as hell didn't

pay for his, believe me.

- A present.

- Huh.

Thanks, Luis.

You're my Number 1 Guy.

And I'm your Number One Boss.

- The family

business keeps me afloat.

Dad started Wilkins Landscape

with a lawnmower,

a pickup truck, and a dream.

Now 40 years later the business

is still alive but barely.

- Bet you never gave this

to your bosses in Mexico.

- Puerto Rico.

- Same thing.

- It's not.

- Yeah, it kind of is.

- It's a commonwealth

of the United States.

- What?

- Gotta get gifts first, Luis.


Blue tape.

Everybody needs blue tape

every once in a while.

They got a teenage

boy at the house.

Kids love flashlights.

They go nuts for 'em.

Blank VHS.

Who doesn't like blank VHS?


That's it for gifts.

Alright, let's party.

- Good?

- Yeah.

- I need something

that a girl will drink,

something with a

little punch to it.

Oh, Luis, you have a daughter.

She drink stuff like this?

- Oh, she doesn't drink.

She's only 12.

- She's drinking.

Believe me, they all drink.

- Probably.

- One last thing.

- Ladies like this

Fire and Ice stuff?

- Yeah.

- Alright.

It's gonna be an awesome night.

June 4, 1974,

the Cleveland Indians where

scheduled to take on

the Texas Rangers.

That year, attendance at

Municipal Stadium averaged

a paltry 8,000 people a game,

but on this night

over 25,000 would show up.

They came for 10 cent beer.

Management thought

this promotion

would be a great way

to drive up attendance.

Who could say no to

a cup of brew for a dime?

You could buy up to

6 beers at one time.

There was no cutoff.

The Indians had

played the Rangers

six days before in Texas.

There was bench-clearing brawl

and plenty of hard feelings.

But the real anger

was brewing in the stands.

The Rangers needed

to be taught a lesson.

The citizens of Cleveland

had been kicked in the gut

for far too long.

Tonight they were

going to fight back.

- Marcus!

- What?

- Pause your game

and get in here.

- I can't just pause it,

I'm playing online.

F***ing bullshit!

- Hey, language!

- I'll be there when

the match is over.

- So help me God,

if I come in there and you're

still playing that thing...


She ended her marriage

so she could have

a trophy husband:

my stupid brother.

- Oh, no, honey,

you're not going to wear

this tonight, are you?

- I got to advertise

my shirt designs.

Get the word out, get paid.

- God, I hate my brother.

I hate everything about him.

He's the baby of the family,

an accident,

who's always skated by

on looks and charm.

- Can you just put on a nice

shirt like a normal husband?

It's Christmas Eve.

- Okay.-

- And now I

have to go over there

and celebrate Christmas with him

and his rich cougar new wife.

I'd rather be at a bar.

- Okay, okay, can you get

Marcus to come in here

and finish making

the popcorn garland?

And he's been playing since

he got up this morning.

- Well, let him play.

I can handle that job.

- No, leave it.

You'll screw it up.

That's not what I meant.

Can you go find Valerie?

She knows how I like it.

- Alright.

- But I'm

going over there anyway.

- To see her.

- Valerie?

- Hey, Val...

- Ugh, just come in,

I can't hear you.

- Hey, your mom, she needs

help with the popcorn garland.

- Valerie.

- F*** the garland.

- Yeah, I know,

it's annoying, but...

- Tonight she'll be mine.

- Hey, is your brother Nick

coming over today?

- That's what he said.

- Awesome!

That guy is a riot.

- You talk to him?

- Yeah, on Facebook sometimes.

- Why?

- Because he's a loser.

- You sound jealous.

- Jealous of a drunk

that got a DUI

in front of his own house?

I don't think so.

- Santa's here!

You need to lock your door!

- Look at this house.

Must be nice to

marry into money.

- Oh, Nick.

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Mike Demski

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Uncle Nick" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 15 Jun 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/uncle_nick_22507>.

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