Two Night Stand Page #5

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Well, my future smoking-hot widow

will gladly accept your money.

Hey, I'm just saying, you could afford

to take the edge off a little bit.

It could be good for you.

You should embrace it.

I've gotten high before.

Not with me.

Fine.

It better make you funnier.

Yeah, smoke that sh*t.

So earlier you asked what I did for

a living and I kinda got a little feisty.

You, feisty? Can't picture it.

Well, the answer is...

I am less-than-employed at the moment.

I don't do anything.

See, last year I was able to say,

"I'm a premed student,"

which sounds kind of impressive, right?

But then I graduated and I'm

not allowed to say it anymore.

- I think your profile said premed student.

- Yeah, no, I just haven't changed it yet.

Didn't you make the profile

like two days ago? That's weird.

- What is this, like an interrogation?

- You got something to hide?

No, I just...

I think I'm just in that limbo phase.

It's not like your degree

has instructions on it.

Well... boom! Home run,

twins win the world series!

Well, your degree did say premed,

so you would think

something follows that.

What was that?

So...

Why did you major in premed if you

didn't want to go into medicine?

I always thought I'd change it,

but then I graduated.

- Wait, how does that happen?

- Easier than you would think.

- What do you do for a living?

- I work at a bank.

Fancy. Banking.

No, just bank. I'm an assistant manager.

How does someone like you get

into something that's so...

- Wildly exciting?

- Yes.

Yes. I don't know, I mean, you know,

like, when you're 17 and...

you just want to get out there and show the

world everything that you have to offer,

because you have all this stuff to say?

I don't know what that feels like.

I don't know. I never felt like

I needed a job to define my life.

Do you like your job?

Since when are you

supposed to like your job?

I think our generation catastrophically

misunderstands that.

Interesting.

I forgot the food,

I'm going back for it.

No, no, no. Please, allow me.

Now, I am impressed.

'Cause it's like a butler

that is also a rug.

For the man who has

everything except a rug.

You know, I used to

smoke back in college.

But one summer,

I walked in on my parents

smoking out of a vaporizer

and watching Italian porn.

- Oh, my God.

- Which is kind of

the greatest antidrugs PSA of all time.

That is awesome! Kinda gross, but...

- It is funny.

- Growing up...

all of my friends' parents

were divorced, you know?

But mine, they were always... so happy.

They were just so disgustingly happy.

It's a lot to live up to.

I think it kinda messed me up.

- My parents are still married too.

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