Two Lovers and a Bear Page #4

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Tell me what to do to make it up to you,

and I'll do it.

- Can you help me?

Take me away.

He's still following me.

He's still chasing me.

I can't take it anymore.

Will you come south with me?

Please.

Please!

- Yes.

- There's only one problem.

- What's that?

- I spent all my money to come here

and have sex with you for 20 minutes.

We're gonna get

on our snowmobiles.

And we're gonna ride

through the mountains...

in the snow and the cold...

to somewhere that's warm and bright.

Where you'll be free

from your nightmares.

How does that happen?

- The tide gets too high.

They do this every spring.

They cross the river

to get to the other side.

One leads,

the 2nd one follows the first one,

and the 3rd one follows that 2nd one.

And, sometimes,

there's thousands of them,

and if the first one loses ground,

then it's over.

The 2nd one becomes the leader,

and he loses ground,

and the 3rd one follows him

and loses ground,

and it keeps going like that

until they all drown.

- That's f***ed up!

- Yeah, I know.

What are you thinking?

- I don't know.

- OK, I have a joke for you.

Two lovers and a bear walk into a bar,

and the lovers

are carrying an octopus with them.

They set the octopus down

on the seat next to them,

and the bear sits down next to the octopus.

And the lovers say;

"This is a really special octopus,

"because he can play

any instrument on the planet

"better than anyone."

The bear's like; "Bullshit!"

So, he goes to the back of the bar,

and he grabs the guitar

that's back there.

And the octopus looks at it,

and he plays it better

than anybody's ever played

the guitar before.

So the bear's like; "All right, fine."

Oh my God!

- So, then the bear's like;

"All right, I got ya."

He goes over, and he grabs, um...

the spoons that are

at the back of the bar.

He gives it to the octopus,

and the octopus takes it

in his 8 arms and, like...

plays it better

than any spoon player.

- Wow!

- Yeah.

- Better than Mississippi Sam?

So, then...

So, then the bear's getting

really pissed off at this point,

so he goes over and grabs

the instrument, the bagpipes,

and the octopus kind of looks at them

and is like, "OK,"

and, like, grabs them,

and, like, fumbling with them,

son of, like, not quite sure,

and then just gives up

and puts them down.

And the bear goes;

"Ha! I knew you couldn't play it."

And then the octopus goes;

"Play it? I was gonna...

"I was gonna f*** it

as soon as I pulled the pyjamas off of it."

- That's the worst joke

I've ever heard in my entire life.

- It's such a good joke!

- No, it's not!

- You didn't hear it properly.

- It's 8 hours long.

- Six, OK? Six hours long.

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