Tucker and Dale vs Evil Page #7

it might have been one of the college kids.

What the hell happened to her?

She got knocked out and fell

in the shitter hole right next to me.

Is that your blood?

What? No.

No, it's college kid blood. One of them

suckers came running out of nowhere,

speared himself through the gut

and died right on top of me!

- Holy crap.

- I know!

Calm down. Don't cry.

- Calm down!

- OK.

Get a hold of yourself!

All right...

I know what this is.

- What?

- This is a suicide pact.

- It's a what?

- These kids are coming out here,

- and killing themselves all over the woods.

- My God, that makes so much sense.

Holy sh*t. We have got to hide

all of the sharp objects!

You know what else?

I think they're trying to kill her, too.

Yeah. Think about it.

That's why they acted so funny after

we saved her, because they want her dead.

- Why?

- I don't know. I don't know.

It's good that you and I don't know -

if we knew they'd want to kill us, too.

Yeah, that's a good point.

OK, so what... what do we...

We go to the police?

- Call the police?

- Yeah.

- And tell 'em what?

- Uh...we'll tell 'em what happened.

That's a good idea, Dale.

"Oh, hidey-ho, Officer.

We've had a doozy of a day.

"There we were, minding our own business,

doing some chores around the house,

"when kids started killing themselves

all over my property."

Well, that's what happened, Tucker!

You would have to be a moron

to believe that, Dale.

It doesn't matter what happened. What

matters is what looks like what happened.

And what looks like what happened...

is pretty nasty.

So what the hell do we do?

We gotta clean this mess up.

- Right now.

- OK.

You shouldn't be smoking anyway, Chloe.

It's not good for you.

F***ing dying isn't good for you, either,

but that doesn't

seem to be stopping anybody!

We gotta get out of here. I mean,

what the hell are we still doing here?

How are we gonna get outta here?

Dickwad over here sent Chuck off

with the truck!

Well, then let's walk.

- 40 miles?

- You should have thought of that

- before you wore your stripper shoes.

- Will y'all just shut up?

Listen, we gotta work together, OK?

We never should've come out here.

Whose stupid idea was this?

Chad!

You guys are all a bunch of

f***ing pussies, you know that?

I mean, a few little tiny murders...

and everyone just freaks out.

But do you know how lucky you all are, huh?

- Huh?

- What the f*** are you talking about, man?

How many people do you think

get a chance for something like this?

- The chance to die?

- The chance to live.

To be free from people always

telling you what you can and can't do.

There's no rules out here.

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