Tropic Thunder Page #3

This is Falcon One. We have the ridge

in sight, approximately two miles out.

Dieter, these jets

are about to crest this ridge line.

They got about 200 pounds

of sh*t your pants.

I need to know if we're ready to go.

- You're my... You're my...

- I am your...

See, that's what I think it is, Damien.

I think it's the line.

Yeah?

I don't know if Four Leaf

would say that... Four Leaf?

Were you crying

when your hands blew up?

No. See, he didn't.

Yeah, I mean, just that's what...

So now we in re-writes, right?

- Where you going?

- Let's re-write it!

Action Jackson can't cry.

That's what's going down.

You know what, Kirk?

I'm ready to do the scene!

What scene? The scene is

about emotionality. Where is it?

- Now it's time to flip the script!

- Kirk...

Be here till Chinese New Year

waiting for my man to cry.

You're tangling me,

you're f***ing tangling me.

You're tangling me, God damn it!

- Kirk, no!

- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!

I'm going potty.

You want to hold my dick?

Sh*t! What are you f***ing both doing,

Good Lord!

We're getting this in a wide shot, right?

Of course we're getting it

in a f***ing wide.

What, do you think

I'm a dick or something?

Get that f***ing food...

Here they come!

- The planes are inbound!

- Sh*t! Sh*t!

Sh*t, sh*t, cocksucker, bollocks.

Tropic tits!

That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!

Let's go freaking Tet here!

Goddamn sh*t-picking cock!

That's my sh*t!

Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!

- Sweet.

- Oh, mama!

Bungle in the jungle.

More bad news from the Vietnamese set

of Tropic Thunder,

where a $4 million explosion

charred the Asian location

and the camera wasn't even rolling.

Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul

Les Grossman,

the film is already rumored to be

one month behind schedule

just five days into shooting.

The reason?

Fingers are pointed at rookie director

Damien Cockburn,

who, insiders say,

can't control a star-studded cast,

including flatulent star of the popular

Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.

Let me tell you something.

A lot of people are disrespecting me.

They say that the movie's

just about farts. It's about family,

and... you! You can't do what I do.

Fresh from his most recent arrest

for heroin, glue and crack possession,

Portnoy was almost uninsurable.

Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking

hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.

I'm so excited, you know what I'm

saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.

Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.

Drink Booty Sweat.

But the real heavyweight on the set

is five-time Academy Award winner

Kirk Lazarus.

Is five-time Academy Award winner

Kirk Lazarus.

The brilliant Australian

known for his bad boy antics off-screen

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