Tripping The Rift: The Movie Page #5

Not bad.

We call it a backers audition.

How much can I

put you down for?

Put me down for one

pitchfork in the belly!

Wait a minute. I say we

let the people decide.

Would you like to continue to live

your lives in quiet desperation,

living off the stale crumbs

from this tyrant's table,

or have a fabulous queen

who's going to put on

hit show after hit show

and make this town a bundle off

busloads of out-of-town suckers.

Perhaps we could put on Hunchback

of Notre Dame, The Musical?

Long live our drag queen!

Hip-hip hurray!

What a bunch of ingrates!

Hello?

Bob? You better be calling me to

tell me the transporter's fixed!

I don't want to be doing

choreography for the rest of my days.

Great!

Beam Six and T'nuk aboard and

the rest of us down to Terra.

I've still got a raunchy

birthday bash to organize.

Sign off.

I'm looking for Chode.

He just took off.

But if you know him,

you must be as big

an a**hole as he is.

What are you looking at?

You better not be having

one of your oral fantasies.

I'm merely trying to understand

how you can eat that garbage.

I hear it contains rat parts.

Chef Gay-ar-dee,

on this planet,

baseball fans eat millions

of hot dogs every week,

and that's good enough for me.

Besides, they say rat

parts make you smart.

Then please explain why Pittsburgh

Pirates fans keep showing up.

Yeah, or how come you

couldn't figure out

La Cage aux Poofter

was a gay bar.

I told you, I thought Poofter

was foreign for snatch-a-roosky.

I don't know why you didn't rent that

place. It looked perfectly fine to me.

What? Fine. Excuse me if I don't

go into why I'm not surprised.

I'll just repeat, no birthday bash of

mine is going to be held in a gay bar.

Get off your soapbox.

It's not even your birthday.

Yeah, but my guests

don't know that.

They also don't know they'll

have to cough up for parking,

admission, exorbitant

prices for the booze

and oh, did I mention my little

credit card scam on the side?

Baby!

I'm going to be

rolling in dough.

What makes you think

they'll even show up?

Well, because I

come up with a hook.

Hey, check that place out!

I don't know, Uncle Chode.

That looks a little gay, too.

Yeah, then why don't you drop your pants

and stick your ass through the door.

If you haven't squealed in 30

seconds, the joint's straight.

Okay, let's go. The sooner

we get this over, the better.

Relax. We got all night.

Yeah.

Why are you calling?

Something wrong on the ship?

No, I just miss you, that's all, you

hunka hunk of burning testosterone.

Where are you?

Have you been sniffing

the ship's fumes?

Don't be a silly-Billy.

I'm just feeling

a little horny.

Thought you might like to know

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