Trevor Noah: Afraid of the Dark Page #4

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one looking at the other out of nowhere.

"Darius. Darius!"

"What, Troy?"

"I was thinking, bro.

Stay with me here. I was thinking, right?

We should build boats,

sail around the world

and force everyone to dance Calypso."

It wouldn't happen.

It just wouldn't happen.

The British colonized with class.

They went all over the globe.

And colonization--

we read it about it now,

and it seems normal

'cause it's in the history book.

They colonize.

When you think about colonization,

it's the strangest thing

you can think about.

'Cause conquering is one thing.

You go to another country,

you take what's theirs.

You want more-- you take the land.

You take the resources.

You kill the people.

That I understand.

But colonization--

I don't condone. I understand.

But colonization is strange,

because you go there,

and you don't just take over.

You then force the people to become you.

That is such a strange concept

when you think

about where the British did it.

I mean, they did it in Africa.

You know, they did it in Asia.

And think about in India.

Those cultures could not be

more diametrically opposed.

And out of nowhere,

the British just decided to roll up.

Imagine what the Indians

must have felt like on that day.

Minding your own business.

Walking through a field.

Next thing you know,

the British showed up on horseback.

"Hear ye, hear ye!

By order of Her Majesty the Queen,

we have arrived!

"You over there!

What is the name of this land?"

"This land over here?

This is called India."

"Well, my good man, I am here to tell you

that India is now under

the British Empire."

"And I'm glad that I can tell you

that India is exactly

where it was yesterday."

"No, no. I feel you're not understanding

what I'm saying.

I'm letting you know

that we are here to colonize you

by order of the Queen."

"Who is the Queen?"

"The Queen.

The Queen of England,

the Ruler of Great Britain.

She who was ordained by God."

"Which god?"

"God. The one true God."

"There are many gods, my friend.

What is the name of your god?"

"There is only one God.

And his name is God,

and you, too, shall worship him."

"You want me to worship a god,

but you don't want to tell me his name?

What are you talking about?

There are many gods.

There is Shiva. There's Lakshmi.

There's Hari Krishna. There are many gods!

What is the name of your god?"

"His name is God!"

"You don't know the name of your god?"

"It's just God!"

"Is it like Mommy or Daddy?

You want me to worship your god,

but you don't want to tell me his name?

How am I going to pray to him?

What do I do? Every morning, I wake up

and I pray:
'Oh, dear God, I was hoping

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