Trevor Noah: Afraid of the Dark

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Wow.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

What's happening, New York?

Yeah!

Oh, this is amazing.

Thank you for coming out.

We're gonna have fun tonight.

Welcome to it, people.

This is us. Can I tell you for a second?

This has been my dream

since I started stand-up comedy,

doing a special in New York City.

This is it!

This is it. New York, New York!

Yeah! New York!

I'm walking over here!

That was all I thought New York was

before I came here.

I just thought it was a city of people

almost getting run over.

Just everyone walking into the street,

a taxi rolling up, slamming the hood,

"I'm walking over here!

What's wrong with you?

You want some coffee?"

I don't even know what that meant.

All I knew was one day,

I was gonna go to New York City.

And I, too, was going to almost

get run over by a car.

I had a dream and I set out.

And it's a lot harder than it seems.

In the movies, they make it look simple.

They make it look like you run out,

the car almost hits you,

you do that thing-- "Hey!"

Slam the hood and then move on.

But it's not that easy.

It's all about timing.

It's all about timing.

It's all about being precise.

You have to get out at the exact same time

that the taxi is there,

so it stops, so you can hit the hood.

If you don't have the guts

and you come out too late, the car's gone.

It's a waste of everyone's time.

You just look like a mad person now.

You're just like...

"Hey!

I'm walking over here!"

If you come out at the exact time

as the car,

then you just get run over.

That's just pointless.

You know, it's like, "Hey--"

"Hey, he was walking over here.

What's wrong with you?"

The worst one is when you come out

too early.

Because that's just awkward

for everyone involved.

Because you come out

and then the car stops,

but you can't reach the hood.

So it's like, "Hey!"

"Come here.

No. Come closer, please.

I want to tell you a secret. Come here.

No, I'm from Africa. I have a dream.

Please come closer. I just--

I just want you--

I'm walking over here."

I love the city. Are you kidding me?

New York!

My dream was to come out here.

Soon as I got here,

I was like, "This is it!"

There's an energy in the city

that exists nowhere in the world.

New York, New York!

Love it, everything about it.

You know what fascinates me

about New York...

is how much people trust

the traffic lights.

I have never seen anything like it.

You must remember,

I come from an African country.

And all over Africa,

we have traffic lights.

But we don't use them.

All right?

It's less of a command

and more of a suggestion.

It's not "Stop!" It's "Stop?"

It's almost like

an African traveled the world,

saw that other people have traffic lights

and then just brought them back,

but didn't know what they were for.

The guy was like,

"Guys, guys, guys.

We need to get traffic lights. Ah?"

People were like, "What for?"

"It's for the intersection.

It adds atmosphere."

No one actually knew what it was about.

We don't care about the lights,

and we don't trust the lights.

But in New York-- I've never seen it--

people trust that light with their lives.

I was walking in the streets one day.

I was walking next to this man.

I'll never forget this.

We're standing there on the sidewalk,

and the light changes in our favor.

And I looked to the side,

and there was this truck

that is barreling down the road.

And I'm looking at the truck.

And as soon as the light changes,

the guy next to me,

he steps out into the road.

Instinctively,

I stuck my hand out to protect him.

I was like, "Yo, dude, there's a truck."

And he was like,

"It's okay. We've got the light."

I said, "Yeah, and he has a truck.

In a game of rock-paper-scissors,

you lose."

But he was so confident.

He was like,

"We've got the light. Let's go."

And he walked out.

He didn't just walk out.

He stared that truck driver down

as he was crossing.

Just looking at him.

Like, "I've got the light.

You know I've got the light.

You know I've got that light."

I was running behind him, all apologetic.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know.

He-- I'm sorry.

I would have stopped--

I've never done this before."

I walked with that man for 12 blocks.

And let me tell you,

I have never been imbued

with the confidence of another human being

the way I was with him.

I started that day...

thinking and pondering

before stepping out.

And after a few blocks with him,

I started believing.

And after eight blocks,

it was the only way I knew how to live.

I had my phone out.

I was tweeting and texting.

I didn't play games.

I'd be looking down, look up.

The light would change, and I was out.

I didn't care if a truck or a train

was coming towards me. I was out!

Because I've come to realize, in America,

if you got the white man on your side,

you can do whatever you like.

You just roll.

What an exciting time it's been.

I couldn't have chosen a better time

to come and live in the United States.

Huh?

What an exciting time.

I'm surprised that,

with everything that's happened,

it hasn't all burned down.

I've been coming to the United States,

on and off, visiting for almost ten years.

And...

what was great about visiting on and off

was I got to experience America

in snapshots.

You know, I would feel

what the people were feeling.

I would get an idea of what the populace

was going through.

And...

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