Transamerica Page #4

These are nice beds.

Don't you have any pajamas?

No.

Well, you should get some.

Good night.

Rise and shine.

Up, up, up.

We've got a schedule to keep.

Did l put on too much blush?

You're weird.

Hmm.

First place l lived was, like,

a hole in the wall off Avenue C.

l had, like, four roommates.

One was a junkie,

one was a crack head,

one was, like,

a junkie, and the other one was,

well, like, a junkie.

Like, like, like.

Did you know

tIhe Lord Of TIhe Rings is gay?

l beg your pardon.

There's this big,

black tower, right?

And it points right at

this huge burning vagina thing,

and it's, like,

the symbol of ultimate evil.

And then,

Sam and Frodo

have to go into this cave

and deposit their magic ring

into this hot, steaming lava pit.

Only at the last minute,

Frodo can't perform,

so Gollum bites off his finger.

Gay.

Take 'em away

Take 'em away, Lord

Take away these chains from me

My heart is broken

'cause my spirit's not free

Lord, take away

these chains from me

Some birds' feathers

are too proud to be caged

l know l'm not that colorful

But a bird just the same

Open up your gate now,

let me put down my load

So l can feel at ease

and go back to my home

Take 'em away

Take 'em away, Lord

Take away these chains from me

What the f*** you lookin' at?

l just didn't think it was right

to come so close to Callicoon

without at least passing through.

Toby!

Where are you going?

You are acting like

a spoiled child.

Oh, my God,

l can't believe my eyes.

lt's my sweet little angel baby.

Take away these chains from me

My heart is broken

'cause my spirit's not free

Just give me another hug.

Oh, l could wring your neck

like a chicken.

My favorite boy.

And all this time,

not even a phone call

to let me know if

you're alive or dead.

l was never your favorite.

Oh, that's what you think.

l used to look at him

out that window,

playin' all day with that big dog.

Toby lived near here?

Just two doors up the road.

So, what you

been doin' with yourself?

l wanna know everything.

He's been in New York,

working toward developing

a career in the film industry.

l'm goin' to California.

California?!

He always was the artistic type.

He used to have

this precious stuffed monkey

he carried around with him everywhere,

even to school.

Are you in

the movie business, too?

She's a missionary with the church.

Praise the Lord.

l'm an electrologist myself.

Oh.

lf you want, l can get

those couple of little hairs

up under your nose in nothin' flat.

My boss lady down at the salon,

she used to work out in California.

From what l hear, some of them

Hollywood beauties

used to be hairy as hogs.

There.

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