To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar Page #4

Four. There are four steps

to becoming a drag queen.

Tell me, what are they?

Patience, ma chrie.

You will know when you've done them.

Miss Noxeema,

our duchess of protocol, will inform you.

(Noxeema) Just pay attention. Auntie

Vida will make you a big old queen.

God grant me the serenity

to accept being a boy in a dress,

the courage to change with the fashions

and the wisdom to know the difference.

(Noxeema)

Congratulations, Miss Rodriguez.

That was step number one

towards true queenliness.

(Chi Chi) Step one already!

(Noxeema) Let good thoughts

be your sword and shield.

(Chi Chi) I'm so tired,

I wish I were dead.

We all tired, honey.

We're gonna have to stop sometime.

I know. I've just

sort of been postponing it.

Stop torturing us.

OK.

Budget Hosts are really good,

I'm serious.

You can keep the mints

even if you don't stay all night.

It's a Budget Host.

I don't know.

It's just so Middle America.

- Why don't we sleep in the car?

- Oh, please(!)

I've got to sleep in a real bed.

People are gonna be cruel, maybe

violent. We have been there before.

Let's throw you two a pity party.

Two fraidy old ladies.

- What is she doing?

- Live life before it lives you.

- She'll get herself killed.

- When?

Gonna be second-rate your whole life.

Please get in this car.

I'm not sleeping with

the Wicked Witch Of The West.

Chi Chi, please!

- I need some sleep tonight, OK?

- (Men wolf-whistling and shouting)

- Take a picture, it'll last longer.

- We have to go get her. Let's go.

Why do you always do this to me?

- Ridiculous. A bunch of wet rags.

- She's crazy.

We're staying in this no-tell motel

so be quiet.

- I should have met you outside.

- It's OK, Mr Manager.

We came in for a little sanctuary.

- Welcome.

- Welcome?

- There's wine and cheese.

- I love to be wined and dined.

You'll meet many

of your friends inside.

(All) Friends?

Get with the programme. No one is

so rich as to throw away a friend.

Is there a drag ball going on?

Basketball?

(Chi Chi) I'll be centre,

you be cheerleader.

Come on, over here!

- I'm open.

- Move the ball around.

(Squeals) Yeah!

Miss Chi Chi, I must commend you

on your entrance

into this establishment.

Oooh! Absolutely.

Step two, big time.

Halfway towards

utter, utter fabulousness.

Step two to becoming a queen -

ignore adversity.

- Toast to Miss Chi Chi.

- We salute you.

(Whistling)

"Lost in the hot embrace

of Damien's sinewy bronze flesh,

"Laritza surrendered

her body completely..."

(Vida) Oh!

"...melting with every touch

of his insatiable lipses."

Oh, stop. My nerves.

(Chi Chi) Where the freak are we?

(Noxeema) The last person I saw

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