Tis the Season Page #2

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(Awkward Silence)

Kris:
The food is very, very good honey. It's delicious.

Kelly:
Thank you.

Jeff:
It's a bit Bland for my taste.

Kelly to Jeff:
We're just so happy that you're here. Jeff.

Jeff:
Me too.

Jeff:
Thanks.

Kelly:
Uh, so how was school Rachel?

Rachel:
Good, I'm done with my pre-med classes this semester.

Jeff:
Beauty and brains.

Nick:
Rachel is going to be a doctor.

Jeff to Rachel:
Hey listen, I get this burning sensation when I -

(Sound of kick under table)

Kris:
Hey!

Kelly:
Your parents must be very proud.

Rachel:
Yeah my mom's a doctor, so I'm kind of following in her footsteps.

Kris:
Oh well that is very, very interesting.

Kris:
Did Nick happen to mention what I do for a living?

Rachel:
No he didn't.

Rachel:
What do you do?

Kris:
Well I'm a bit of a celebrity. I'm known by several names.

Kris:
Old Saint Nick. The brits call me Father Christmas.

(Kris laughing)

Kris:
I've been told I resemble a bowl full of jelly when I laugh. Look at this.

Kris:
Ho. Ho. here get a closer look. Look.

(Kris laughs)

(Kris laughs)

Kris:
Right?

Kris:
A bowl full of Jelly.

(Kris continues shaking belly)

(Kris clears throat)

Kris:
Im Santa Clause

Rachel:
Oh

Rachel:
I don't really celebrate Christmas. I'm Jewish.

(Jeff laughing)

Nick:
That's right dad.

Nick:
Rachel's Jewish.

Kelly:
So does that mean you celebrate. Hu.. Hannukka?

Kris:
Where do you get your gifts?

Nick:
Who cares where they get their gifts.

Kris:
No but where do the Jews get there presents?

Nick:
You know I don't care that she doesn't celebrate Christmas.

Nick:
I think it's a terrible holiday glazed with consumerism masked as family tradition.

Nick:
Kind of like this grotesque ham.

Kelly:
Uh.

Kris:
You leave the ham out of this.

Kris:
And who are you to talk, you look like a long lost illegitimate child of Marylin Manson.

Kris:
Hah.

Kris:
Hey Kelly.

Kelly:
Did you have sex with Marilyn Manson. Did you?

Kris:
It looks like you did.

Kelly:
Well, right now I wish I had.

Nick:
You leave mom, Marilyn and the rest of the beautiful people out of it.

Nick:
And you know what?

Nick:
I think Christmas is the worst Holiday there is.

(Silence)

Kris:
you.

Kris:
You stole the list!

Kelly:
Kris!

Kris:
Admit it!

Nick:
What list?

Kelly:
Kris, you are way out of line right now.

Kris:
(Whiny) He's trying to sabotage Christmas, Kelly.

Nick:
This is bullshit.

Nick:
I'm out of here. Rachel let's go.

Kelly:
Wait, Nick, no. Honey.

Kris:
Oh. Oh. Where you going? You going to your real dad?

Kris:
Huh?

Nick:
I wish Marylin was my real father.

Kris:
Oh Fine, ooh yeah. Just walk away huh.

Kelly:
Way to go.

Jeff:
It was nice to meet you. Rachel.

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