Tim Minchin: So Live Page #4

He doesn't have a problem with drugs,

He just doesn't do them,

He's fine that his mates have tattoos,

But he reckons they'll rue them,

He likes going to pubs,

But he hates it when the music's too loud,

He tends not to go to rock concerts,

'Cause he can't stand the crowds,

But all he's ever wanted to be

Is a rock star on RAGE or MTV,

But he knows that it's not f***ing likely,

He just turned thirty, he knows that he

Will always be

A rock'n'roll nerd,

He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear,

And though they won't be heard

He'll just keep writing,

oh yeah

But you see the problem is

He always dreamt of being a star,

But he learnt piano instead of guitar,

Which in the nineties didn't get you very far,

So while the other kids were learning Stairway

He was the piano to their forte,

But he was convinced one day

He'd rock their f***ing arses,

And be an icon for the disenfranchised masses,

Grow his hair long and rebel against the state,

But just for now that'd have to wait,

'Cause he's running late for his morning classes.

And he will always be

A rock'n'roll nerd,

He'll keep playing gigs that no-one knows about,

And though it sounds absurd

He'll just keep playing,

oh yeah,

But you see the problem is

There's not much depth in what he's singing,

He's a victim of his upper-middle class upbringing,

So he can't write about the 'hood, or bling-bling,

So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead

To try and evoke some angst in his middle class head,

But the b*tch is always fine at half past nine when they go to bed,

He's not spent a single night in prison,

He has no issues with nutrition,

He has no drinking problem and no drug addiction

Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken,

Marijuana always tends to make him cough,

He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off,

And when he tries to act tough, you can tell he's tricking.

While his mates go out out late,

Popping pills and havin fun,

He goes home and showers,

And gets a good eight hours,

He gets his thrills from his morning run,

While his mates all go on dates,

Taking speed and drinking cans of Gin-Beam,

He stays home and cooks,

And curls up with a book,

With the girl he's had since he was seventeen

'Cause he's never really been part of the scene,

While the other kids liked Gunners he liked Queen,

He's more into Beatles that the Stones,

He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones,

He never owned a panel van,

He never shot a Pantera fan,

He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash,

He couldn't tell you nothing about Axl and Slash,

He likes Ben Folds and The Jackson Five,

He knows all the words to Stayin' Alive,

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