Three Men in a Boat Page #4

he ought to do it.

Does he say

how he intends to go about it?

No. He's taciturn on the subject.

I shall tell the master.

Then come back and throw you both

in the river!

He only wanted a shilling.

He must make quite an income

blackmailing weak-minded noodles.

Walton is quite a large place

for a riverside town,

but only the tiniest corner

comes down to the water.

Caesar, of course

had a little place at Walton.

An entrenchment or a camp

or something of that sort.

He was a great upriver man, was Caesar.

And Queen Elizabeth was there, too.

And Cromwell.

They made a very odd trio.

People used to comment

when they went on picnics.

The first thing we saw at Shepperton

was George's blazer

on one of the lock gates.

Hello, Harris!

- Hello!

- Hey!

GEORGE:
J!

And closer inspection showed

that George was inside it.

- HARRIS:
What's that? A frying pan?

- No.

They're all the rage up the river

this season. Everyone's got one.

It's a banjo.

BOTH:
I never knew you played the banjo.

Well, not exactly, no.

But it's very easy, they tell me.

And I've got the instruction book.

- Good.

- (LAUGHING) Banjo.

(SINGING INAUDIBLE)

Suits you.

Goes awfully well with your outfit.

Do you like the blazer?

As an object to hang above a fruit bed

to frighten away the birds,

I should respect it.

As an article of dress

for any other human being

apart from a Margate Minstrel,

it makes me ill.

I've always found envy distasteful.

I noticed you and J were envious

the moment you saw it.

I can easily dispose of that idea.

Your blazer wouldn't suit me at all.

I always like a darker red in my things.

Red and black.

You see, my hair's a sort of

rather golden brown colour.

Rather pretty shade, I've been told.

And I find that dark red

really picks it up beautifully.

I always stick to yellows and browns.

My eyes have

an unusual kind of hazel glint.

Rather mysterious, it's been remarked.

I find yellows and browns pick it up.

Yes. You don't think your complexion

too ruddy for yellow?

No. Yellow doesn't suit you at all,

there can be no doubt about that.

You really ought to take some blue and

white with a little cream touched in.

You really wouldn't look half bad

in blues and creams

if you kept your hat on.

Now, George, on the other hand...

Why is George

looking like a martyred goose?

It must be some girl.

Everybody in the lock seemed

to have been suddenly struck wooden.

All the girls were smiling sweetly.

And all the fellows were frowning

and looking stern and noble.

And then at last,

the truth flashed across me.

(CHUCKLES)

I leant with careless grace

upon the hitcher,

in an attitude suggestive

of agility and strength.

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