This Means War Page #4

two, a cleaner, three, I can get home.

- Two hundred yards.

- Sold.

Tuck? Are you Tuck?

Hi. I'm Lauren.

Oh, my gosh. Hello. How are you?

Very nice to meet you.

You too. Um....

Please, sit. Please, sorry. Yeah.

Wow, it's like...

You are really, really beautiful.

Could you say that a few more times,

because your voice is amazing. Ha, ha.

I feel like I need to apologize again

for that bizarre profile.

- No, no, no.

- My friend, Trish, is....

Oh, no. Everybody should have a friend

who's a spaz.

- I think I'm going to have to kill her.

- Well, actually...

- ...I might be able to help you.

- I'm kidding.

- So am I.

- Love...

...is the only thing

that can save this poor creature.

And I am going to convince him

that he is loved...

...even at the cost of my own life.

No matter what you hear in there,

no matter how cruelly I beg you...

- ...no matter how terribly I may scream...

- Hi.

...do not open this door or

you will undo everything I've worked for.

Good for you, pal.

So tell me one thing

that's not on your profile.

Um....

I have a son.

- Oh, you do?

- Yeah. He's called Joe.

He's 7 and he's really lovely.

Really lovely.

And his mom?

Couldn't work.

How about you?

- No kids that I know of.

- Okay.

And no ex-wives.

- I have a very important question to ask.

- Good. Go on.

Have you ever been or do you

ever plan on being a serial killer?

Well, I mean, it's...

You gotta keep your options open.

- But, no.

- Okay, good answer. Ha-ha-ha.

So you've never killed anybody

with your bare hands.

Not this week.

Great.

- Lauren, you're incredible.

- You're not so bad yourself.

All right, I'm gonna go and rent a movie

and take a cold shower.

- I will too.

- Okay.

- And wait for your call for the next...

- Five minutes?

This is where it all started.

Yes, I was standing over there

by that desk.

No, you were sitting in the chair. And

suddenly, you started walking toward me.

Very slowly. Very slowly.

I could count every step.

And when you're walking towards me

very slowly...

...I thought, "What's the matter with him?

Can't he walk faster?"

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- Oh, I'm sorry. You take it.

- No, no, no, that's okay. You take it.

- Sure?

You're not gonna like it. Twist ending.

You'll see it coming a mile away.

- And how would you know what I like?

- I know movies. And women.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

Okay.

Well, then,

why don't you tell me what I want?

- The Lady Vanishes? Why is that?

- Mm-hm.

Well, firstly, you can never go wrong

with Hitchcock. Ever.

It's got comedy, drama, romance,

it's a thriller.

It's classy, but not stuffy.

A little obscure, so if you haven't seen it,

you'll thank me for introducing you to it.

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