This Is Where I Leave You Page #4

- Naturally.

- Look, Daddy, a T.

- That's great, sweetie. Go show Mommy.

- Poopie!

- Jesus Christ! What the hell is wrong with you?

- Don't yell at him!

- Well, he threw sh*t on me!

- He's 3 years old, you a**hole.

- Where are the wipey things?

- "Where are the wipey things?"

Coming out of my ass.

There wasn't a lot of liquid,

so the rug's gonna be fine.

I got a conference call.

What do you want me to do?

I'll get the paper towels.

I hope you're still on

this call, I swear to God.

To clarify, today does count

as one of the seven, right?

Okay.

Hmm.

A bulging disk. Pretty common, actually.

We were married for...

So, Paul, no children yet?

No, no kids. We're working on it.

Someday, maybe.

Phillip, you're all grown up.

What do you do now?

Well, I run an alternative-fuel think tank

in D.C.

Isn't that something?

It's a bulging disk.

It's pretty common, actually.

- Hmm. Hmm.

- Usually in men, though, right?

You do see it mostly in men,

but she's pretty active.

She's real active.

Well, I'm managing a small, small,

very private equity fund.

Mostly small... Hey, Molly.

Mostly small cap, emerging markets.

All that good stuff.

- Paul, you got any kids?

- No, no kids yet. One day, maybe.

We made love on our first date. In his car.

Behind the Texaco station.

Oh, sh*t. She's telling the Texaco story.

Mort left the air conditioning on.

By the time we were done,

the battery was dead.

We had to call my father to come

and give him a jump start.

Maybe they wanna hear

about his hobbies.

The stuff that's going on

in fossil fuels is just really sexy.

God, the passion, the creativity,

the angles.

- Jesus Christ.

- "Angles"?

- Mort knew his way around a woman's body.

- Mother.

- And the sheer size of him. Circumference.

- Mom.

- I don't mind telling you, the man was hung.

- That should've been the headstone.

Clearly, she lost more than a husband. Hmm?

Anybody need anything from the kitchen?

No, it's true. I mean, I

miss him and I miss it.

- Hi.

- Hi, Judd. I'm just trying to make some space.

Hmm. Well, I'm gonna sneak out for a drive.

I have a feeling Mom

is just getting warmed up in there.

The talking helps.

Jerry died 20 years ago...

...and I still find ways of randomly

working him into conversations.

Like right there, for instance.

How come you never found anyone else?

Boy. That was very rude. I apologize.

It'd be a terrible mistake

to go through life...

...thinking people are the sum total

of what you see.

Linda, I'm an a**hole. Just forgive me.

- You get a free pass this week.

- Thank you.

And thank you for taking care of Mom

these past few months.

I'll bet she would've been a

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