The Wilde Wedding Page #4

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People getting divorced.

Whoa, OK. You're being a little bit

of a Debbie Downer here, alright?

What about first love?

What's...

What's your experience with that?

First love?

Let me give that some thought.

Dylan, Dylan, I'm still filming.

(WATER SPLASHES)

(SIGHS)

MACKENZIE:
Dylan.

Girls, you know that crazy,

warm sensation you get

when you cross your legs

and squeeze really tight?

Well, the first time I had that,

the weirdo in me

was thinking about D ylan.

But what would, o f course,

get tongues wagging around these parts

is that Dylan and I

are technically first cousins,

but first cousins once removed,

so there's, like, a three percent chance

our kids would have, like,

15 fingers and three eyes.

OK, the first-love question

was a bit leading

as Dylan and I have already kissed,

but it was last summer

and I haven't even seen him since.

Anyway, just...

it raises that age-old question.

You know, can you ever go back?

EVE:
That's exactly what I was thinking,

though I think maybe a couple more here,

possibly another hydrangea.

- I think that'd be very nice.

- (CLEARS THROAT)

The last thing

I would call either of us is selfish.

In fact, the term "generous to a fault"

springs to mind.

But in this instance,

I suggest we put it to the vote

to keep our one solitary decanter

of liquid nectar

a secret from the vin ordinaire drinkers

and rendezvous back here

aprs le diner.

I second that motion and say aye.

Aye.

Harold and I will meet you back here.

Yes, Harold.

He's a fine-wine man, is he?

(MEDITATIVE CHANTING)

(RESUMES CHANTING)

(PHONE BEEPS)

(CONTINUES CHANTING)

(PHONE RINGS)

I don't wanna f***ing talk

to you, a**hole

F*** you

(RESUMES CHANTING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(IN PORTUGUESE) So are you happy?

Go on, say it,

and I'll tell you what I think.

I think you're a liar.

Me? I'm fine.

- Hey.

- I'm fine.

Hey.

Moving right along.

In fact, you know what?

You know what I feel like doing?

I feel like making love right now.

I want a man to devour me

and kiss every inch of my naked body

until I am begging him

to f*** me hard.

How do you feel about that?

Well, guess what.

I'm looking at a guy right now.

And I can tell from his sh*t-eating grin

that he'll be happy to oblige.

Ciao.

MACKENZIE:

It will probably surprise you to learn

that Ethan speaks five languages,

Portuguese among them.

So he understood every word of Saf f ron's

phone call to her, quote, "grandma,"

and explains the grin

she was referring to.

ETHAN:
How about we go on a little ride?

I got some delicious magic mushroom

chocolates. You up for it?

SAFFRON:
Mmm. Very naughty.

( "JIMMY'S GANG" BY PAROV STELAR)

Half will get you really high. Easy.

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