The Wedding Video Page #3

Stick a kebab shop up there

and you'll never have to leave the house.

Oh, I wish, don't you, that you had more

time at home sometimes?

My husband, Des, with his company.

The amount of social functions.

- Is it very hard being 'Mrs Rigid Box'?

- Not hard 'hard'.

No, I'm not complaining. God, there's

people in India with no legs. It's just...

Could you, sorry,

could you take your shoes...

Oh, right. Sorry.

- It's just with it being porcelain.

- Yeah.

Thanks, darling.

This week, for example,

2 separate nights we're taking clients

to the concerts at...

Do you know the classical concerts

at Breton Castle? Do you know those?

They are amazing. Full orchestra,

outside, under the stars.

- Costs a fortune to get in but...

- Not if you do it like we used to.

Yeah, I'm sure Raif doesn't wanna know

about that, darling.

We used to climb the hill from the other

side. Watch it all from behind for free.

Bag of sandwiches.

Actually, Raif,

could you put your shoes back on?

Oh, sorry.

Okay, get ready for the slow motion.

And... slow motion.

Meet Tim Moyle, my big brother.

Oh, don't do that.

- So, tell me about your job.

- Well, I'm head of a department,

which oversees systems across

the various council departments,

- and it makes sure--

- Can't stay awake.

Okay, piss right off. Thank you.

- Here is where I had my first pint.

- Oh, come on.

Put a bit of life into it.

- Here is where I had my first pint.

- Yeah, all right, thank you.

And so it was here amongst

this scrubland,

- that Tim found an adult magazine.

- Raif.

Upon taking it home, grandma found it

in the airing cupboard, and said to him:

"Tim, if there's anything you don't

understand about women,

you need only ever ask".

And this is the bridge where Raif would

like me to tell you about something,

but over there is the electric fence

where Raif, aged 5,

electrocuted his penis

by trying to wee against it,

and had to be taken to the hospital

with his pants down,

and the doctor, who I thought had

a terrific sense of humour, said:

"From now on, every time you do

a poo, your nose will light up".

And little Raif burst into tears.

Boo-hoo-hoo.

Thank you.

Hello, and welcome to 'Mr and Mrs',

where we find out how much the bride

and groom know about each other.

- I really don't wanna do this.

- I told you.

Put the box on, it'll be good.

So, Saskia, if you could get married

anywhere in the world,

- where in the world would you get married?

- I dunno.

Up a mountain or maybe the side

of a volcano or--

Really?

You're not meant to be able to hear

in the box.

- I thought you liked the Grosvenor?

- I do.

I like it. If we have to have a load of

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